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Comedian & Gaylord.™️ My baseline is horny depressed feminist. 🌸

5,391 Following   10,456 Followers   3,909 Tweets

Joined Twitter 12/3/16

So how early is too early to take a shot? Asking for America.
Retweeted by Caitlin Reese ⚡️ @KW46488973 Aw thank you 🥰 @KW46488973 C’mon now it’s true 😂 @MikeOlson82 I hate cats but sure 🤩 @AllanaSmithee Thank you 😏 @LiminalLaura Imagine someone caring that long 😆 @Shadinaks I can’t read poetry 😅😇😅 @tjchambersLA You dodged a bullet eh 😉 @eannmcg Stay tuned y’all 😌 @bjgood08 Maybe after they tell me I’m beautiful and text their ex in the bathroom 😝 @drunkandcoding Gotta be me you know 😎 @brahaminda Oh man that would be sick @JohnJohnPhenom 💯💯💯Should I tell my date tonight I’m deeply wounded & confused by my last two rejections in dating leaving me to quest… you’re under 30, nobody needs your input on skincare products. You could rub hamburger helper all over your face & still look dewy.People are like omg I saw someone who looks just like you & show you a gargoyle with the same glasses.
@KeepItFiveStar Badass, yesIn Hartford, Connecticut, a dude beheaded his landlord recently so lemme know when all these so-called anarchist ju… depression is so healthy & strong right now that I’ve been leaving my therapist breathless & speechless. I wanna… @ecoreysaunders Handsome 😍
The most exciting personal news I have from this week is that I almost got hit by a car & legitimately enjoyed the rush.Sun Chips are just Doritos you can introduce to your parents.
Retweeted by Caitlin Reese ⚡️I'm in therapy *turns around, winks* PHYSICAL therapy
Retweeted by Caitlin Reese ⚡️
Behind every great tweet is a woman who worded it differently before you stole it. @johnathanappel 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
@spikechicago @thistallawkgirl ♥️♥️♥️♥️ @thistallawkgirl ♥️✊🏼♥️✊🏼 @krbr_kari ♥️♥️♥️ @thistallawkgirl I’m wearing all black & weepy today. Wish we could share a beer as feminist comrades. ♥️This is the only time my monogamous heart will fantasize about nine women.Privilege is not being absolutely terrified without RBG.
Retweeted by Caitlin Reese ⚡️ @kykrebs Oh my god please 😍😍😍😍
@kiermunn @BrookeKnisley @kevincampbelll Thank you for understanding ♥️ @LindsSBS Tag away ♥️♥️♥️♥️when girls have all long fingernails except for 2 on their right hand its because they need them to prime a lawn mower
Retweeted by Caitlin Reese ⚡️ @apacolyppz All cutlery! @SirGags_Alot Stop it 😂Uncut gems didnt stress me out because I don’t care about men’s problems
Retweeted by Caitlin Reese ⚡️ @RACH4_theSTARZ @fag_patrol_love Ilu for this tweet so hard @BrookeKnisley @kevincampbelll Let’s get a drink to commiserate. ♥️ @KW46488973 Appreciate you @BrookeKnisley @kevincampbelll Omfg! @BrookeKnisley @kevincampbelll Ever fall asleep for an hour holding someone’s hand and then told 48 hours later the… @BrookeKnisley @kevincampbelll I’ve been getting a lot of mixed messages & subsequently heartbroken.Don’t 👏🏽 cuddle 👏🏽 me 👏🏽 after 👏🏽 sex 👏🏽 unless 👏🏽 you 👏🏽 have 👏🏽 pictured 👏🏽 us 👏🏽 in 👏🏽 rocking chairs👏🏽 on 👏🏽 th…
@MPSomerstein Woof @kykrebs ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️Every straight dude’s bedroom is a lost & found bin.Pulled out of my gf and nutted on my own face (as a prank)
Retweeted by Caitlin Reese ⚡️Women in their 30s “stunned” at their ability to fit into a dress from high school rip zucchini noodles like bong hits. @Niley_Le_Chien I didn’t realize this was universal @RealDCJ23 I mostly looked at myself tho
I’m not a narcissist but I have jerked off to myself in a sex tape. @originalspinstr ♥️♥️♥️♥️art museums are closed so i’ve just been staring in my neighbors’ windows and screaming I DON’T GET IT
Retweeted by Caitlin Reese ⚡️i believe that science should be taught in churches.
Retweeted by Caitlin Reese ⚡️Videos of married couples opening each other’s mail is such a boring trend. The spicy take would be invading each o…
@JayJurden @thatarin Jay, this is so beautiful.Marijuana should be legal because I dated a weed dealer who refused to let me franchise her business & I want the f… @lizzzzzielogan Honestly congrats @sheriadidthat @TalibBabb 😂
@cherylcline It’s the little things 🥰 @PhilanthropyGal 😹😹😹😹 @staceygarratt Anytime! @KeepItFiveStar You put mics in the hands of women. You’re the best. @mcterzakis It was scary as hell & caught on tapeDuring my set a man was hiding behind a fence yelling at me repeatedly that he was going to slit my throat. The onl… @tjchambersLA Haha haha wow I feel so loved/hated
@melisshious Mel you’re the best @OMaraRules I’m into this @jayemcbride It’s the only way @jayemcbride will do lunch with me @jeenabloom 😂😂😂😂 oh wow, suicide pact? @the_amanda_gail Baby girl 😂I was that comic! 😂😭😂😭 @dollymensmore This is relatable right @DanielJPerafan @JayJurden Get in, the water is nice @JayJurden 😎Imagine someone falling so madly & deeply in love with you that they let you meet their primary partner. @ShaqKatzner If you’re in love I will unfollow @torrey_huggins 🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽
@JoeFoster241 GoddamnitI’ll be dead before a vaccine or a man is ready for a relationship.
Do you have a great personality or is your face symmetrical?If your revenge body doesn’t come with a gun you’re doing it wrong.
@jimtews Dude I love that venue! @JohnJohnPhenom Dude 😂😂😂😂 @tjchambersLA HahahahhaI’m about to throw a hammer up in the air at Home Depot, knock a bitch unconscious & tell them I’m their wife. @Melancholic4Evr 😂😂😂 @JayJurden 🔥 @ShaunakIsCool @MaxFine12 Love a coil @ShaunakIsCool @MaxFine12 Gonna kiss y’all platonically with covid @MaxFine12 I think we could do a gallon each @MaxFine12 Yo let’s gallon @AlysiaHush Ilu @bizzycoy Love this little animal crossing type of tweet 🥰 @freudmayweather You’re the best @mesallyann Can I help? @JayJurden Me too baby @Jill_lives ♥️