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Comedian & Gaylord.™️ My baseline is horny depressed feminist. 🌸

5,391 Following   10,456 Followers   3,909 Tweets

Joined Twitter 12/3/16


So how early is too early to take a shot? Asking for America.
Retweeted by Caitlin Reese ⚡️ @KW46488973 Aw thank you 🥰 @KW46488973 C’mon now it’s true 😂 @MikeOlson82 I hate cats but sure 🤩 @AllanaSmithee Thank you 😏 @LiminalLaura Imagine someone caring that long 😆 @Shadinaks I can’t read poetry 😅😇😅 @tjchambersLA You dodged a bullet eh 😉 @eannmcg Stay tuned y’all 😌 @bjgood08 Maybe after they tell me I’m beautiful and text their ex in the bathroom 😝 @drunkandcoding Gotta be me you know 😎 @brahaminda Oh man that would be sick @JohnJohnPhenom 💯💯💯Should I tell my date tonight I’m deeply wounded & confused by my last two rejections in dating leaving me to quest… https://t.co/v0spII7QSpIf you’re under 30, nobody needs your input on skincare products. You could rub hamburger helper all over your face & still look dewy.People are like omg I saw someone who looks just like you & show you a gargoyle with the same glasses.
9/23
2020
@KeepItFiveStar Badass, yesIn Hartford, Connecticut, a dude beheaded his landlord recently so lemme know when all these so-called anarchist ju… https://t.co/bVswaJ1B0QMy depression is so healthy & strong right now that I’ve been leaving my therapist breathless & speechless. I wanna… https://t.co/o6eGhQI2kU @ecoreysaunders Handsome 😍
9/22
2020
The most exciting personal news I have from this week is that I almost got hit by a car & legitimately enjoyed the rush.Sun Chips are just Doritos you can introduce to your parents.
Retweeted by Caitlin Reese ⚡️I'm in therapy *turns around, winks* PHYSICAL therapy
Retweeted by Caitlin Reese ⚡️
9/21
2020
Behind every great tweet is a woman who worded it differently before you stole it. @johnathanappel 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
9/20
2020
@spikechicago @thistallawkgirl ♥️♥️♥️♥️ @thistallawkgirl ♥️✊🏼♥️✊🏼 @krbr_kari ♥️♥️♥️ @thistallawkgirl I’m wearing all black & weepy today. Wish we could share a beer as feminist comrades. ♥️This is the only time my monogamous heart will fantasize about nine women.Privilege is not being absolutely terrified without RBG.
Retweeted by Caitlin Reese ⚡️ @kykrebs Oh my god please 😍😍😍😍
9/19
2020
@kiermunn @BrookeKnisley @kevincampbelll Thank you for understanding ♥️ @LindsSBS Tag away ♥️♥️♥️♥️when girls have all long fingernails except for 2 on their right hand its because they need them to prime a lawn mower
Retweeted by Caitlin Reese ⚡️ @apacolyppz All cutlery! @SirGags_Alot Stop it 😂Uncut gems didnt stress me out because I don’t care about men’s problems
Retweeted by Caitlin Reese ⚡️ @RACH4_theSTARZ @fag_patrol_love Ilu for this tweet so hard @BrookeKnisley @kevincampbelll Let’s get a drink to commiserate. ♥️ @KW46488973 Appreciate you @BrookeKnisley @kevincampbelll Omfg! @BrookeKnisley @kevincampbelll Ever fall asleep for an hour holding someone’s hand and then told 48 hours later the… https://t.co/LtIIUXLWR1 @BrookeKnisley @kevincampbelll I’ve been getting a lot of mixed messages & subsequently heartbroken.Don’t 👏🏽 cuddle 👏🏽 me 👏🏽 after 👏🏽 sex 👏🏽 unless 👏🏽 you 👏🏽 have 👏🏽 pictured 👏🏽 us 👏🏽 in 👏🏽 rocking chairs👏🏽 on 👏🏽 th… https://t.co/hZdGZAYB36
9/18
2020
@MPSomerstein Woof @kykrebs ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️Every straight dude’s bedroom is a lost & found bin.Pulled out of my gf and nutted on my own face (as a prank)
Retweeted by Caitlin Reese ⚡️Women in their 30s “stunned” at their ability to fit into a dress from high school rip zucchini noodles like bong hits. @Niley_Le_Chien I didn’t realize this was universal @RealDCJ23 I mostly looked at myself tho
9/17
2020
I’m not a narcissist but I have jerked off to myself in a sex tape. @originalspinstr ♥️♥️♥️♥️art museums are closed so i’ve just been staring in my neighbors’ windows and screaming I DON’T GET IT
Retweeted by Caitlin Reese ⚡️i believe that science should be taught in churches.
Retweeted by Caitlin Reese ⚡️Videos of married couples opening each other’s mail is such a boring trend. The spicy take would be invading each o… https://t.co/siJAtFIXH6
9/16
2020
@JayJurden @thatarin Jay, this is so beautiful.Marijuana should be legal because I dated a weed dealer who refused to let me franchise her business & I want the f… https://t.co/sPX2GTLwjB @lizzzzzielogan Honestly congrats @sheriadidthat @TalibBabb 😂
9/15
2020
@cherylcline It’s the little things 🥰 @PhilanthropyGal 😹😹😹😹 @staceygarratt Anytime! @KeepItFiveStar You put mics in the hands of women. You’re the best. @mcterzakis It was scary as hell & caught on tapeDuring my set a man was hiding behind a fence yelling at me repeatedly that he was going to slit my throat. The onl… https://t.co/R0hkJhbdzP @tjchambersLA Haha haha wow I feel so loved/hated
9/14
2020
@melisshious Mel you’re the best @OMaraRules I’m into this @jayemcbride It’s the only way @jayemcbride will do lunch with me @jeenabloom 😂😂😂😂 oh wow, suicide pact? @the_amanda_gail Baby girl 😂I was that comic! 😂😭😂😭 https://t.co/RVMsQ6ai5g @dollymensmore This is relatable right @DanielJPerafan @JayJurden Get in, the water is nice @JayJurden 😎Imagine someone falling so madly & deeply in love with you that they let you meet their primary partner. @ShaqKatzner If you’re in love I will unfollow @torrey_huggins 🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽
9/13
2020
@JoeFoster241 GoddamnitI’ll be dead before a vaccine or a man is ready for a relationship.
9/12
2020
Do you have a great personality or is your face symmetrical?If your revenge body doesn’t come with a gun you’re doing it wrong.
9/11
2020
@jimtews Dude I love that venue! @JohnJohnPhenom Dude 😂😂😂😂 @tjchambersLA HahahahhaI’m about to throw a hammer up in the air at Home Depot, knock a bitch unconscious & tell them I’m their wife. @Melancholic4Evr 😂😂😂 @JayJurden 🔥 @ShaunakIsCool @MaxFine12 Love a coil @ShaunakIsCool @MaxFine12 Gonna kiss y’all platonically with covid @MaxFine12 I think we could do a gallon each @MaxFine12 Yo let’s gallon @AlysiaHush Ilu @bizzycoy Love this little animal crossing type of tweet 🥰 @freudmayweather You’re the best @mesallyann Can I help? @JayJurden Me too baby @Jill_lives ♥️
9/10
2020

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