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🧛🏻‍♀️ :: social editor @buzzfeednews/@am2dm :: formerly @nicksplat and @femsplain :: writer (on a good day) :: she/her

870 Following   2,112 Followers   13,188 Tweets

Joined Twitter 10/23/08

Is this a trick? All those posters made me realize it'd be odd if she's the only one we didn't see ashed at the end…'t this how Village of the Damned started @hardin The thighs are nighCancelled what now about hauntings or break-ins when I live alone will be well worth no longer having to share a very thin wa…
It's very jarring to be watching Broad City and see an ad for Two and a Half Men @heytheregrimm Just for tipping? They gave me a quote of $300 for the job itself 🤔😅 @heytheregrimm Are you secretly one of my movers that sounds extremely high lolHello how much do you typically tip movers? (I have a studio/1-bedroom's worth of belongings, which will be packed…'m obsessed with this plush toy version of the Mucinex mascot someone who has lived in NYC for 10 years the concept of having the kind of tub these trays even work with is wi… who saw the movie knows this isn't mind-blowing
Jesus people get thrown out of windows in slow motion a lot in the Friday the 13th movies @brosandprose I swear every McDonald's interior is either weird as fuck or bland as fuck. And they love their word…
@AnyoneComics Small and medium boxes? I've been informed by @KK0618 that the large ones are no good @msLauraAnderson Just checked it out and it is much cheaper than I expected! I'm moving soon and am bad at packing so please give me your obvious and not-so-obvious packing tips @SarahSahim Whoooaa whatI LIVE for surprise horn solos (the sax in M83's Midnight City, the trumpet in David J. Roch's Skin & Bones, etc.)
Wow finding out Schitt's Creek is ending after its next season before watching last night's episode REALLY amplifie… Becomes Her isn't fiction and Bianca just decided to say fuck it to the 10-year-rule @jersing For some reason my brain didn't process that this was a mirror selfie and I was like why is that copy of Deathly Hallows so large?? @iangoldsteinyes Glad to see this is in North Carolina and not New York so that I may continue with my plan to grow… @tommut Less because I feel like he'd give us a really great death scene @mollymulshine True. I've never wanted to entice anyone to my desk except for 1-2 cute coworkers to flirt with @mollymulshine I did this at my old job, but it wasn't really for sharing, it was just because I was too lazy to go… didn't know there was a name for this and I feel sufficiently called out @knifeyjames NopeIf I'm writing something longer than a word or two at a time I usually do, it's faster than picking up the pen agai… never watched John Wick because I knew a dog died in it and I never watched John Wick 2 because I never watched J…'m... crying? to see Us a little early and can already tell I'm going to be thinking about it for days
@thecultureofme Imagine him trying to stay on the door @GreyEditing It's been a while since I read it but I feel like Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson maybe? If not that sh… you know the kids are gonna be like oh no we need to crawl into this vent but none of us are small enough and t…
@McJesse Orgasm?Goodwin's my name and placing an order at Sephora then forgetting about it until I get an email saying it's almost arrived is my game @Choplogik @GraceSpelman Absolutely it's clearly an app for buying cowboy hats @CarolineMoss This isn't as extreme but for about three weeks after Christmas one of my neighbors left their life-s… @davidmackau He's revealing his candidacy to be some weird performance art piece way too early on @kim_hoyos Oscar, he's the only realist of the bunch, and we could use his trash can to build fires in and possibly turn it into a raft
@kim_hoyos But he's also kind of a rube and might not be able to lead help back to youWhenever I have a migraine I'm like maybe I should get one of those doorframe things you can hang upside down from… @gabrielabarkho @broazay Oh good that always bugged me about them @broazay @gabrielabarkho Well considering they don't take cash I kinda gotta take their side on this oneAs someone who gets migraines I must say my favorite part about having a cold is the near-constant headache like I… @catesish Sign up for some of those rewards apps that give you points for all your steps
@ellesep And Katherine Heigl's!
2019 guerilla marketing tactics @MagiciansSYFY?
Almost broke a tooth on this thing but it was worth it @EllenKilloran It's truly offensiveThings Lori Loughlin's daughter doesn't deserve: - her spot at USC - those goddamn eyebrows @jackigarfinkel This tweet is so old lololWhere do you think she got the idea @jackigarfinkel I have no idea about William H. Macy unless they can get this dog to do it @jackigarfinkel She's a little young but Keri Russell for Lori Loughlin (obviously the daughter can play her in the… @jackigarfinkel I minored in cheesy biopic casting in collegePlease tell me we get to see these two beat the shit out of each other in #AvengersEndgame just for the fun of it"confirms he will announce" jesus this is like the teaser trailer of politics
@jakebunger @anushkapatil @CarolineMoss There's no investigative piece about this and I'm mad @CarolineMoss Typical 😤 @HayesBrown @anushkapatil Smoke... cigarettes or other things or does it even matter lol @bobby_snacks It's more of a butter yellow than pee yellow but nice try @anushkapatil I've seen two apartments with this! And my current apartment has a yellow living room! I feel like I'm in a stick of butterWhy are so many apartments in New York yellow @arossin @BriSulli For me it almost always ends up being me saying nothing but my name by way of introduction and a… @LorynBrantz I usually do, they don't even really need to open it if they don't want since they'll most likely get a message preview @BriSulli Pretty much every conference call I've ever been onIf Felicity Huffman doesn't play herself in the Lifetime movie my vote's for Anna Gunn @xxSarahS @laura_wolford @EvitorialPage Still available by chance? 😬"So when we look at a cat staring at us impassively, it looks like a psychopath who cannot feel or show emotion. Bu…
@ryanlawler Me curling up on the couch and watching the faucet drip
About to enjoy another lusky Sunday
@AlannaBennett Would like to submit to the Look Book for consideration International Women's Day to the guy who cursed and spit at me because I almost walked into him after he sudd…
Me realizing Goose might've been dusted in the snap saw Captain Marvel and am giddy thinking about the ass-kicking Thanos is going to getIf this is true I'm gonna be really pissed
@sarayasin pointed out Political Candidate Barbie's midriff is showing as if she'd ever get away with that without…'s running least funny jokes are the ones that get LMAOs and idk if they're pity laughs or what but either way I feel like a fraud @mattbooshell My skin is itching but also lol @mattbooshell This is very good but my anxiety is through the roof at the thought of trying to sync everything up correctlyLol just yesterday I was thinking it might be time to get back on dating apps so I'll consider this divine interven… @jackigarfinkel @ericahalli Mom and Dad don't fight
@bobby_snacks NeverHelp I clicked on an ad and now a boutique lingerie company is threatening to kill my family if I don't buy a braSome of you don't think people are out here trying to figure out if you're single and it showsThink we're in the clear potentially tragic update friend's working from home and sending me updates on her little squirrel friends who sleep on the chimney next d… @jersing Thought this was headed in a very different direction
2019 @voidhowler Hey bud don't beat yourself up we all have off days @voidhowler WhatIdk who Landon Collins is but they're trending and if I had that name I'd introduce myself to the tune of London CallingMe when I eat a cookie out of the oven too soon