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🧛🏻‍♀️ :: social editor @buzzfeednews/@am2dm :: formerly @nickrewind and @femsplain :: writer (on a good day) :: she/her

851 Following   2,130 Followers   13,598 Tweets

Joined Twitter 10/23/08


I was expecting a package from USPS today and the tracking info was updated to "Delivery Attempted - No Access to D… https://t.co/qkL6bj0iHV @Keah_Maria 😭🙏 @Keah_Maria Yesterday (I cheated and used the timer function lol) https://t.co/jG4ZmmhfCB
7/20
2019
@jersing TikTok giveth, and TikTok taketh awayLike 80% of the time https://t.co/qK1tpf1gpP @tholmz She's literally only 2 years older than the oldest millennials lolWe can't forget Jake Gyllenhaal's greatest role as a serial killer/gym rat/shy dancer https://t.co/JONrvE00ft
Retweeted by Jess Goodwin
7/19
2019
Have the cats in Cats been spayed/neuteredI put the song from Us onto the Cats trailer and I think it fits better. https://t.co/VMBlbeDQs5
Retweeted by Jess GoodwinI could read the synopsis of Cats 80 times and still not understand what happens in itI'm selling a ticket to the @HDTGM 7:30pm show at Beacon Theatre on 7/24! DM me if you're interested https://t.co/uO8VoUSEmW @AlannaBennett Tuesdays immediately after work here are the best 💸I got to see a cut of this when I still worked at Nickelodeon and I'm very excited to watch it again/interested to… https://t.co/sia8r6FU7p @skl99 Ewwww I'm sorry @skl99 Jess
7/18
2019
Only acceptable names for the new Thor: 4 Thor 4 Thorious Thor: The Thorth One Lordy Lordy Look Who's Thor-D (for… https://t.co/BYNEVjkhczDoes everyone want to see what they'll look like old so bad because the world will probably end before any of us get old for real @itsalexberg I know about as little about Cats as one can while still knowing it exists so for about 20 seconds I h… https://t.co/nT8wiCoTD1 @KK0618 🙃💀 https://t.co/UDne3hI7p3 @rbccbsdl Considering the reward maybe he's slipping them ipecacMy "leaving New York" essay https://t.co/5JbgScs4f5If I had a therapist I bet they'd make me use the FaceApp old person filter to make me face my fear of being old af @AlannaBennett I'm reminded of 5nal DestinationIf Beyoncé goes for the EGOT I hope it's by playing Velma in Chicago @mattford I definitely step harder on my left foot, according to the heels of my boots lolI think I've tweeted about this before but I feel very strongly about thisThere should be an app for people who have two different shoe sizes that pairs you up with people with complementar… https://t.co/soIldm22qO
7/17
2019
*Borat voice* https://t.co/8Prc7f0L4b @ellesep @JamesFrye Was he negging you bc you look like a literal supermodel?? @kaylaahawkins Hopefully with an reply reading "...but not as low as I am rn amirite" @BeaconTheatre @HDTGM I'm selling a ticket to this (face value) if anyone is interested 😬 @darth @GraceSpelman I'm sure there are plenty of felines out there who would argue that Pierogi is in fact a snackI just accidentally typed "advocats" instead of "advocates" and who wants to help me write a comic book about activist cats @mliberatore Between this and the 3-in-1 soap you're really rebelling these days huh
7/16
2019
My alien resting peacefully after I save it from Area 51 https://t.co/EJzbqdm1cIMy cat going to sleep in the afternoon knowing she's gonna raise hell all night https://t.co/UAVI4rT0w7
7/15
2019
If anyone's looking to sign up for a new credit card/get miles/etc. 😬 https://t.co/6pSFN4qnUP
7/14
2019
@mliberatore Mike
7/13
2019
*Borat voice* https://t.co/s4FVmtX93P
Retweeted by Jess Goodwin @ryguyguyry "I Perform an Interpretive Dance to Your Favorite Song To Cheer You Up" @HayesBrown I CAN'T BEAR THIS BURDEN ALONE HAYESI just found out dogs' uteruses just, fall out sometimes so now you all have to live with that information too @darth There we go https://t.co/Utl0G9LUqy
7/12
2019
@mattbooshell More like Dad BuecheleAnyone else hearing "Succession" over and over to the tune of "Tradition" or is that just me https://t.co/QWKDJSyNANI've been thinking of getting Helga a friend since I'm at work most of the day so I asked my vet to let me know if… https://t.co/L5e7eAhh8oI'm getting my cat spayed today and can't feed her this morning and she's retaliating by alternately destroying my… https://t.co/o5WWzF4harThe photo didn't load at first and I immediately assumed it was going to be Steve Harrington sitting on the floor o… https://t.co/7nHZWEluphHot girl summer https://t.co/UzUVgw99pI
7/11
2019
@gabrielabarkho You got me, I do masturbate an impressive amountI want to move my petcam into my bedroom bc that's where my cat spends nearly all her time during the day but I jus… https://t.co/B3pju6EZqI @jmrivera02 @noahsolo Being nearsighted also complicates this, like 80% of the time I end up inadvertently snubbing… https://t.co/qkSVjhs9SEWell fuck https://t.co/vrCd4dRbZz @snicolelane Nudie Pageant
7/10
2019
@dw_toy @IGN Excited for this but Warner's streaming service? All these networks need to slow their roll with the g… https://t.co/Y5RUO7fsAw
7/2
2019
This exceptional kiddo has endured a lot in her young life, including the murder of her father and serious bouts of… https://t.co/fPQgfBLKb5
Retweeted by Jess Goodwin
7/1
2019
He also referred to James Franco as "that great actor," unironically said "watch yourself before you wreck yourself… https://t.co/Sf7B5fb26FLast night at dinner I couldn't help but overhear the couple on a date at the next table and at one point the guy s… https://t.co/dDnUVc8G44This is my uncle, Demetrius Pugh. He was wrongfully convicted of reckless homicide and armed robbery this past Mond… https://t.co/uqXQQQm4Yg
Retweeted by Jess Goodwin
6/30
2019
Unlocked a new organizational level https://t.co/8THjCRESsT
6/29
2019
@noahsolo We get it you work outMood https://t.co/Nn2HNbzhJW
6/27
2019
@erikawynn s*x
6/26
2019
@yestervegh THANK YOU7-year-old me is STOKED https://t.co/mp1z3dxTzB @AM2DM The Death Becomes Her Haunted House
6/25
2019
@IMAnnaLos Lol this happened to me one year, my bf and friends threw me a surprise party at his apartment and as we… https://t.co/Zihu9mc6m2The best thing about farmers markets is there's always at least one vendor who sells teeny pies thus making it extr… https://t.co/MEKzOVhSLj
6/24
2019
@IsaacFitzgerald @alicek Binx! https://t.co/bEsFsvUhfm
6/23
2019
@mikeVcella FAKE NEWS they tried to stop it on Netflix @iangoldsteinyes But then you can skip the sunscreen too, win-win! @iangoldsteinyes Only one solution https://t.co/D919xaoCyX
6/21
2019
My name is Tiffany. I’m Indigenous/Native American makeup artist from the Navajo Nation tribe. I am from Kayenta, a… https://t.co/hEYuzXXNRU
Retweeted by Jess GoodwinI thought I was losing my mind when this happened, or worse that they got rid of the mark as read option entirely https://t.co/UnJHfquqxX @rbccbsdl @SylviaObell Saving $$$ on $100+ face masks
6/20
2019
https://t.co/W2iyUSkg3R https://t.co/sNa2qzAA8dI don't regret donating my eggs but man do stories like this make me nervous for the day these kids will start comi… https://t.co/St701UUFLy"New Yorkers may soon see the electric-powered vehicles zipping down their streets in droves." Glad I finally have… https://t.co/obWpWbDt28 @McJesse I kept thinking he was the guy who wrote World War Z
6/19
2019
@theferocity "Mildly allergic" just means you've found a new pet @gabrielabarkho Clean your ears??? @gabrielabarkho If it were you I'd be scolding you IRL and you'd be rolling your eyes and "mom please"-ing meJust passed a woman on the street as one of her airpods fell out of her ear and watched as she bent down, picked it… https://t.co/LMq14rIglS @coreykindberg Ah yes because we all know how much kids love *checks notes* endless saladA black boy was killed by police last night in my small city but I’m supposed to feel bad because a rich white boy… https://t.co/NYvwwZESxs
Retweeted by Jess GoodwinBrb adding this to the "what I'm looking for" section of all my dating profiles https://t.co/ZcUZjRSWjH
6/18
2019
My pal Gem is looking for someone to help them cook some tasty vegan food hit them up on IG https://t.co/prWbMv2B0Rhttps://t.co/mloymImqAtme: why hasn't my doctor called me back also me: *filled out my paperwork with some weird Frankenstein of my cell… https://t.co/XjlNy4WedbBuzzFeed News staffers across the US are walking out today to demand that BuzzFeed management return to the table a… https://t.co/VYyGr4mE3P
Retweeted by Jess Goodwin @iangoldsteinyes RUDE IANHalf the joy of working from home is being able to wear sweatpants you nerds https://t.co/rmme51iPog"sorry I'm late for work. got drop-kicked by a monkey again" https://t.co/qpqY9bkFrk
Retweeted by Jess Goodwin
6/17
2019
@TylerSorensen This photo should be on the NYC Parks and Rec website
6/16
2019
"Go ahead and talk to me and my daughter whenever you want" https://t.co/jcMOZkL627😂 https://t.co/GplWZkSRbR
6/15
2019
Weird I just lifted two 3lb weights for 15 minutes and my arms aren't toned yet?
6/14
2019
@dw_toy Some of us aren't ANIMALS Dan @arb Apparently it used to be named Fashion 21 so unless I hear different from the founders I'm assuming the name is arbitrary lol @HayesBrown WHAT WAS HE SUPPOSED TO DO HAYES
6/12
2019
I feel like Phoebe Waller-Bridge's Fleabag hair is a prime example of a cut that looks amazing on her but if I were… https://t.co/j7YMpVbRm0
6/11
2019

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