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🧛🏻‍♀️ :: social editor @buzzfeednews/@am2dm :: formerly @nicksplat and @femsplain :: writer (on a good day) :: she/her

861 Following   2,102 Followers   12,800 Tweets

Joined Twitter 10/23/08

Lol now that I've deleted my dating profiles I realize like 99.9% of the time I was using the apps out of nothing but sheer boredom
@CarolineMoss Time for a capsule closet?Any women of color writers out there? Need someone who can write a simple but engaging story about magic and witche…
Retweeted by Jess Goodwin @itsa_talia @CarolineMoss I can't hear or read the word "badly" without thinking of this line @CarolineMoss *extremely Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail voice*Where are the other 994,000 moms @mliberatore I'm personally extremely here for a cupcake shop that normalizes eating 5-10 cupcakes in one sittingIn the latest addition of Why Does the Internet Have To Be So Creepy I mentioned Cabin in the Woods out loud to a f… I work at BuzzFeed News random dudes on dating apps: @SinemiaApp @SinemiaSupport can you please respond to my DM from last night @AlishaGrauso I'm excited for it! Been too long since I saw Mads Mikkelsen on a murderous rampage @AlishaGrauso I think this is just Polar except with Vanessa Hudgens instead of dogs and horses lolPlease help spread this - it's been 5 days since he's been missing. I posted it on the same day since he's been mis…
Retweeted by Jess GoodwinRT this if you watch Netflix with subtitles on I’m tryna prove a point
Retweeted by Jess Goodwin @ryantuttlephoto @karasmarsh The reaction thumb looks like it's mid-thumb warLiterally every time I see James Blake's name my brain substitutes in James Blunt which is to say I've been surpris… @Rick_Benson1 No I deleted it because men are garbage ☺️Honestly if BuzzFeed manages to take down Trump my biggest regret will be not having gotten the guy's number before… to the guy on Tinder who tried to shame me for working at "sensationalist" news outlet BuzzFeed News hope he's thriving
#SCHITTSCREEK IS BACK, DAVID! @annefrances was kind enough to teach our own @davidmackau how to say his name 😂
Retweeted by Jess GoodwinMy friend's husband put a Kinder Joy in her lunch today and the artwork accompanying the toy appears to portray a v… @AlannaBennett Who in their right mind tries to lowball Meryl StreepOne thing I like about the Twitter desktop redesign is trending topics include little blurbs so no more of that ini… @KK0618 Ohh interesting. Yeah I think this payroll company is based in CA. You'd think they'd give a heads up about… @iamvishnurajan I knowww 😭 @daniellemjoyce Oooof yeah i also miscalculated a tax refund at the last minute, not fun. I just don't get why? Lik… @rbccbsdl @jakebunger Wtf is it one for each quarter? @jakebunger @rbccbsdl lol check your w2s on the paperlessemployee site @rbccbsdl EXACTLY @itsa_talia I don't think so, I looked at w2s from previous jobs and they all took out local taxes @itsa_talia Ugh not sure how but I'm assuming this is somehow Trump's faultSo for some reason the company that processes my paychecks didn't take out anything for local taxes last year, glad… is a tiny glimpse of the coral reef system that is being destroyed to build a new US military base in Okinawa.…
Retweeted by Jess Goodwin @davidmackau TAKE IT BACK DAVID
@OriginalFunko @goulcher @britneyspears @jersing @AlishaGrauso She said she thought it'd be too violent for me (I was 12 by the time it started airing on TV and had… @AlishaGrauso We had cable and I watched hours of unsupervised TV but there was one thing my mom drew the Thin Red… natural evolution of horse girls @ellesep @jersing Oh I flat out tell ppl I do that with them but bc they can't remember to be on time they can't re… @jersing I gave up and just started telling ppl to meet me at least half an hour before I actually need them to meet me 🤷‍♀️ @ericahalli @jackigarfinkel We have to talk like sitcom characters of yore the whole time and play canned laughter on our phonesHow tf long do frogs live @jackigarfinkel Only if @ericahalli helpsGreat what now?"It's like your baby doll" Uh idk about anyone else but I wouldn't want a real baby to be treated the way I treate… all the manbabies who whined about letting girls into the club last time got their way all these years I still don't know which Lenny Kravitz scarf photos are real and which are PhotoshoppedWe can't forget Jake Gyllenhaal's greatest role as a serial killer/gym rat/shy dancer'm Aunt Fritz and all my exes are Nancy
@mb @mliberatore nerds 💕Best scene in the movie
Retweeted by Jess Goodwin @SarahSahim I believe so but I think it depends on what kind of PDF it is (like if it was saved from a file with te… @SarahSahim I use this mostly for forms so I'm not sure if it's what you're looking for but just in case: @SarahSahim What level editing do you need to do?Dunno what I was expecting after "boy marries girl" but it was... not that scene in the movie😈🤘👅
This is the only Cleopatra I'm interested in I just got confirmation that the dentist who pulled the wrong tooth & lied about it IS NOT going to settle, so…
Retweeted by Jess GoodwinThey know this is the best way to get people to watch both docs just to compare them and drag whoever loses this is…'m an Old so I was watching this in college and I cannot remember how many times real way to tell how old someone was in the 2009/2019 challenge is what people's eyebrows used to look likeTwitter's rolling out a new desktop interface and have added bookmarks and night mode which is all well and good bu… The Strokes have more than two albums always wished I had a less common name and when I asked my mom why she decided to name me Jessica she told me it… @McJesse What about empty wine bottles (asking for an ex)
@bakebythepound @CharmCity85 You should do baking-themed ASMR videosYou know she could do a front handspring, step out, round off, back handspring, step out, round off, backhandspring… I don't even know what I'd do with $1 billion but donating $68 billion would make me feel okay about doing some truly wild shitI wish I had $69 billion so I could give away $68 billion @jackigarfinkel Jacki... I think you know which is worse @jackigarfinkel I KNOW and that makes it even worse @jackigarfinkel That is extremely rude2007/2018 We all make mistakes in college Twitter! My brother quit his job to start his own pop-taco shop “Villas Tacos” to support his daughter. He cook…
Retweeted by Jess Goodwin
@juliamoserrrr LET THEM LOVE YOU @juliamoserrrr mad libs
Retweeted by Jess GoodwinThis is the kind of love I'm looking for feel attacked and also like bursting into tears😾 cat just demanded I give it all the bacon and eggs I have @DjScrewJr @vejjietales @Capn_CoolChris Whole show's on Hulu 😊me: *does social media for a living* also me: is it called honeymoon and not hornymoonAre Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas on their second honeymoon because I swear they got married 5 years ago @knifeyjames Yes except from everything I've heard about them they're both angels @theferocity @AM2DM Wait something just clicked and I just want to make sure everyone knows I'm talking about fish not dogs here @sammynickalls Also one thing I did ages ago that has been very worth it was getting some inexpensive satin pillowc… @sammynickalls I've been using The Ordinary's glycolic acid toner at night (about $9 for a good sized bottle) which… @cwarzel @theferocity A small but fun part of my job is choosing video thumbnails and Charlie you always make it ex… @prmcmenamin @rbccbsdl @theferocity @AM2DM @juliamoserrrr @Axelkuehn In your face Rebecca @TaylorLorenz "Do you take Gary to be your lawfully wedded business partner?"They look like photo negatives of each other because even though it came out of a box it was still wine and wine was fancy @theferocity @AM2DM @prmcmenamin @juliamoserrrr @rbccbsdl @Axelkuehn I want an office dog and I'll do what needs to be done @prmcmenamin @juliamoserrrr @rbccbsdl @Axelkuehn @AM2DM *whispers* guys let's just buy 4 identical ones and switch… @hardin Most recent one I've been listening to is Geyser by Mitski