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Unverified. Unverified. Thee/thou/thine. INTJehovah. Now covering the world beat at @TTOGGlobal. Relics for sale at https://t.co/O1BNjIyE9Y

1 Following   6,210,290 Followers   11,099 Tweets

Joined Twitter 10/19/10


Everyone #UnfollowTrump right now. If you haven’t already. Which you should have.Me: "Nice to have you home for Thanksgiving dinner, son." Jesus: "Yes, it's a lot better than my Last Supper." [Lo… https://t.co/2ilykstTnpNo one following Me should still be following @realdonaldtrump, even ironically, or post-ironically, or whatever th… https://t.co/YpVX25CzZt @realDonaldTrump This is a very convincing argument.BE THANKFUL FOR —Doctors —Nurses —Competence —Dogs —Chocolate —Orgasms —Sand on bare feet —Donald Glover —Stephen… https://t.co/R6UNrV1VZxWhat did you expect from a third-tier PM?Nice to see the court upholding the separation of church and sense. https://t.co/YgTZ5nwQN6
11/26
2020
I just got My hand back. #RIPMaradona
11/25
2020
The masked shall inherit the earth.
11/23
2020
May I ask you to retweet #TrumpMicroPenis? Please. It's such a tiny thing.Apparently she wants #TrumpMicroPenis to trend. https://t.co/O4IOCzZFqI
11/22
2020
It's always a small group of 7.8 billion assholes who ruin it for the trillions of others.
11/20
2020
250,000 Americans have died of COVID. But Trump would like a recount.
11/19
2020
I told Jesus not to come home to Me for Thanksgiving because I was worried about his health. He asked Me why I had… https://t.co/ZWcs8YJceGFuck half of you.
11/18
2020
White, black, brown, yellow, man, woman, transgender, gay, straight, Democrat, Republican, young, old, ALL of you w… https://t.co/ACqjQb1ej8Heaven is blue. Hell is red. Just sayin'.
11/17
2020
Life is a near-death experience that gets nearer every day.You're the biggest loser alive. https://t.co/V3S31QTafD
11/16
2020
It really is a #MillionMAGAMarch, in the sense that it is one followed by a bunch of zeroes.Happy Diwali, Hindus, from your 33,00,00,001st favorite God.
11/14
2020
Homosexuality is not a choice. Homophobia is.[Exasperated sigh.] Retweet if you agree.
11/13
2020
The Voice of God. For nine blissful hours. Buy it. Remember: 100% of the profits of the sale of My audiobook go to… https://t.co/FAcyjwVLAn
11/12
2020
The best way to honor veterans is to stop making them. #VeteransDayI don't care if a majority of people say they do not believe in Me. I refuse to leave the universe. There's been… https://t.co/iCBRmcXQc5When I start talking to you, you should start talking to a psychiatrist.PRISON terms. https://t.co/GOv721pwMt
11/11
2020
You're not worth ruining a perfectly good meteor for.
11/10
2020
This deserves to become the most retweeted clip of all time. Please do so. https://t.co/el72IoI45DI extend my heartiest congratulations to President Donald Trump in his decisive victory in being the worst person in the world.
11/9
2020
This is the part of the movie where you think the bad guy is gone and you breathe a sigh of relief and then he come… https://t.co/xk6aBtcQkzThis beloved long-time quiz-show host is now hosting trivia nights up here with Me.The importance of this cannot be overstated. 🐾 https://t.co/fR6Emds2K5In the end, good sometimes triumphs over evil. And this is sometimes.THIS IS A CONSPIRACY! A CONSPIRACY OF 75 MILLION PEOPLE!!!
11/8
2020
You can breathe.Recommendation: turn off the TV, put on headphones, and listen to "Here Comes the Sun". Pack a hanky.You owe it all to Me. Me, and nonwhites.You're welcome. @realDonaldTrump No. You lost. You're a loser. You're a huge loser. You're the biggest loser the world has ever kno… https://t.co/lUFSgzyiZ7Biden just tried on the Presidency. It fit pretty good.The Trump Presidential Library will be a deleted Twitter account.
11/7
2020
Hear Me, Paula: you lost. https://t.co/bfw29ZRjyzThe next two-and-a-half months must be spent gloating and taunting. This is crucial for the future of America.GOD IS IN CONTROL‼️ 🙏🏻
Retweeted by GodDon. It’s God. You’re fired. @realDonaldTrump @realDonaldTrump Fuck you.125,000 new cases of COVID in America today, by the way. Little trivia for you there.You would think people from Nevada would be good at sitting at a table and counting.From Obama nation to abomination in four short years.
11/6
2020
He's done.Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz https://t.co/6lxck40y7bOn it. Absolutely 100% on it. https://t.co/Ma38nHf6PnI know this is a long drawn-out process and you're getting impatient but I promise you that when all the votes are… https://t.co/jhJVROWgauHuman beings are the only species on earth who are just the worst.My friends are just the biggest assholes. https://t.co/cBLOncL4jLThese days even optimism is depressing.Ain't listenin' bitch. https://t.co/R2KRJYOzs2While you're there see if there's a 15-year-old girl you can masturbate in front of! https://t.co/Dl5AlUpEMm
11/5
2020
He's going to try to delegitimize reality. Don't worry. My lawyers are ready.Who do I pray to?Win or lose, roughly half of American voters wanted four more years of this.I hear Vancouver’s nice.No matter what happens, I hate this shit.BREAKING NEWS: I am prepared to call an eternity in hell for Donald Trump.Dammit I didnt mean to get this drunk this quickly
11/4
2020
I'm very curious to find out if I exist.We'll see. https://t.co/AoJ9B3wslrPlease leave your prayers below.
11/3
2020
Should be a fun week.
11/2
2020
@RudyGiuliani It is a sick joke that you tried to masturbate in front of a girl you thought was 15.
11/1
2020
Halloween is My third-favorite pagan holiday after Christmas and Easter.The Christian right hates Halloween. Not because it's pagan, but because it involves handing out free food.Smart people are merely asymptomatic carriers of stupidity.No one throws out soul-crushing people-dividers like Berlin. https://t.co/9aZb5liPhZ
10/31
2020
A friendly reminder https://t.co/mPVfq8Tpbh
Retweeted by God @RudyGiuliani You tried to masturbate to a 15-year-old girl. @realDonaldTrump You're subhuman.I can forgive people for being stupid. I can’t forgive them for WANTING to be stupid..@RudyGiuliani just tweeted. @RudyGiuliani You were caught trying to masturbate to a girl you thought was 15.There’s an all-time Hall of Fame Green Bay Packers quarterback who follows Me, and I’m happy to say it’s not this a… https://t.co/ZobN0YgiHt @LouDobbs @RudyGiuliani He tried to masturbate in front of a 15-year-old. @RudyGiuliani Although sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words... https://t.co/Nhy4Qc7wj3I command thee, every time @RudyGiuliani tweets, to reply with "You tried to masturbate in front of a 15-year-old."… https://t.co/uMksipE53I @RudyGiuliani You tried to masturbate in front of a 15-year-old. @RudyGiuliani @charliekirk11 You tried to masturbate in front of a 15-year-old. @RudyGiuliani You tried to masturbate in front of a 15-year-old.FACT: You're the most lying, cringing, groveling, hypocritical, cowardly, empty bag of platitudinous shit in the Se… https://t.co/O4MV6iTE5tEvery time My tweets have a misspelling, an angel gets his wangs.
10/30
2020
Do all dogs go to heaven?! ONLY dogs go to heaven. https://t.co/ECLx7x7BfkBy the way, Bette, I'm watching you. I'm watching you. I'm watching you. From a distance.Wow, Bette. I never knew I was your hero, That I was everything you would like to be. Just for that, you can fly h… https://t.co/skv6aiuLcBLive and learn. Or die and don't. https://t.co/HHTArnJUyDAmy Coney Barrett has earned a swearing-at ceremony.
10/27
2020
Things may look bad on one level but man, you should see how bad they look on all the others.Those who do not remember the past are doomed to reinfect it. https://t.co/zteLf8hhdh
10/26
2020
What a bunch of fuck-ups you are.If Trump wins, the world ends. If Biden wins, the world ends more gradually.
10/25
2020

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