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i. am. hilarious.

561 Following   201 Followers   2,918 Tweets

Joined Twitter 9/8/10


How did I miss Lady Gaga’s leaked song 😫😫the fact that dua lipa never said anything when everyone was roasting her because of how she dances but instead she… https://t.co/SFSidrAZcx
Retweeted by Tito Matthewsno one: my fatass in middle of night: https://t.co/cko0cS41I6
Retweeted by Tito Matthews
1/22
2020
If @Starbucks could deliver I would greatly appreciate it!
1/21
2020
Me at the beginning of the year vs me now https://t.co/jrYR2pSKED
Retweeted by Tito Matthews
1/20
2020
@cvtera @spinzxx
1/19
2020
@spinzxx “how do you say moss in Spanish?”“Im gonna midsummer the shit out of it” @spinzxx
1/17
2020
@sarahetunes Did you move to Colorado???
1/16
2020
Patiently waiting for the weekend like: https://t.co/HA6vxIXp7Btimeline cleanse https://t.co/jT5LBewq7s
Retweeted by Tito MatthewsWe meet again 5:30am 😳
1/15
2020
@jennlammerding Girl. Same.🙌🏾 https://t.co/O5VyngpypWOverheard someone at work last night say they were a never nude and now we’re best friends.this is what the inside of my brain looks like at all times https://t.co/frLNeI2F1S
Retweeted by Tito Matthews
1/12
2020
Just a man and his rat ❤️ https://t.co/q7oohKMi0VI’ll give you every reason to stay and no reason to leave
Retweeted by Tito Matthews
1/11
2020
Just a light lunch 😊 https://t.co/rsnWfkIq9s2 things I can’t live without: garlic and my ninja foodi
1/9
2020
@spinzxx I hate you“Say less bitch, meet me there” @broookearnold @spinzxx https://t.co/HIcMSZT2iDOffice views 💻 https://t.co/aSlcGFpAVU
1/7
2020
@jennlammerding Am I hired or nah?“There is nothing in life that we cannot handle. It is all in how we accept it. How we handle it. How we perceive it.” @jennlammerding https://t.co/BLkRrufi1A @jennlammerding Hire me. I gotchu 😉 @jennlammerding Girl you want a house pour or a real pour??
1/6
2020
I would love to go to a Cheetah Girls themed brunch.. anyone else?
1/5
2020
In an empty Starbucks you choose to sit right next to me... both of you..
1/4
2020
My gay ass trolling thru the lighting aisle at Tha Home Depot searching for black zip ties https://t.co/U8XnrUciZv
1/3
2020
I have enough cheeses and meats to host another 20 guests at my house yet I’m making shrimp and corn chowder 🤔I LOVE thick Shania Twain!
1/1
2019
@jennlammerding 😂😂😂
12/31
2019
Tina Turner is literally a psycho.... 61 years old with no attachments running on a crane https://t.co/HLQa2JWk0r
Retweeted by Tito MatthewsIn 2019, @ArianaGrande sold 79 MILLION units in singles globally, breaking the record for most singles sold in a ca… https://t.co/fBkcE0thp1
Retweeted by Tito MatthewsI know I know I know I shouldn’t act this way https://t.co/lBr4y6I2KtCooking with caucasion people be like: https://t.co/dKRnZuCvLU
Retweeted by Tito Matthews
12/29
2019
Outfit that resembles a lesbian cat breeder. Thoughts? https://t.co/YNVtqB6Ain
12/23
2019
Sneaking out of my parents house on Christmas Day to go to the gay bar. https://t.co/7FIyR7i64VMe getting dressed to go to work when there’s an 8 year old YouTuber that made $26 million this year https://t.co/28qQP8G9uc
Retweeted by Tito MatthewsI was just told my outfit resembles that of a lesbian cat breeder 🤔
12/22
2019
“I don’t love to gossip but I can listen to it”
12/21
2019
Everyone’s face at work right now seeing that I’m 15 minutes early. https://t.co/r0feA3iVsINew York be like: $2800 a month nothing included. https://t.co/DnLnY3qrJCEveryone going to see Star Wars. https://t.co/Js2CCLqMTshttps://t.co/y3EC2HmxPG
12/20
2019
Same. https://t.co/cRLyoM2aadHump day convos with your bestie @spinzxx https://t.co/mRpAe2Nw64
12/19
2019
@RidiculousnessKDNDJFJDJFJF https://t.co/gXLONlKTo2
Retweeted by Tito Matthews
12/17
2019
the video of jazell barbie royale moving her titty muscles to the beat of he luvs me too by cece peniston is ingrai… https://t.co/jADPGQvmev
Retweeted by Tito MatthewsMy tits went from 28 to 29 overnight.
12/16
2019
December 15th and I’m sitting on a rooftop in shorts enjoying a dirty martini. I’ll take it!Trap Selena & Selena https://t.co/esnS4gKzhe
Retweeted by Tito Matthews @spinzxx Partially me and my heatless house.
12/15
2019
Me: “ma’am, you have a beautiful home!” Her: “sir I’m a bartender, you’re at a bar.”
12/14
2019
Bought a vacuum and a new tv yesterday. Was more excited about the vacuum that I had to take a picture with it. https://t.co/du6JuukN2Q
12/10
2019
My inspiration for 2020 https://t.co/qF2xqcU1i5
Retweeted by Tito Matthewsyou can twerk to anything https://t.co/B75CAzDrOE
Retweeted by Tito Matthews
12/6
2019
Happy birthday to my little rat! Daddy loves you Jerri! #ratterrier #jerri #8yearsold #happybirthday #gaydogdadhttps://t.co/23M136aljV
12/5
2019
I don’t think I’ve had this much facial hair in years! #scruffy #gay #instagay #ineedtoshave https://t.co/EtKwCD5t4t @spinzxx Im just calculating the exact estimate of time that is given 😂 @spinzxx 21.75 years. Well now it’s 21.76
12/3
2019
A @BrunoMars remix of @DUALIPA #DontStartNow?!
12/2
2019
https://t.co/6R1py3r5ucAfter 3 Thanksgiving dinners this year I should be sick of turkey right? Wrong! Guess what I’m craving 🙄 @linaberry “Hoist it up to this traffic jam” @linaberry Mini tennis skirt on a Christmas ham 😂
12/1
2019
just wanted to show y’all my coat...again. @FentyOfficial https://t.co/sj4fxKhtUi
Retweeted by Tito Matthews
11/30
2019
#NewProfilePic https://t.co/C3jT7AOeW3 @linaberry Google is a fucking bitch @linaberry That makeup was FIERCE!!! And I wore it for 12 hours! @linaberry @linaberry @HolaCarmitooo Wait was this filmed in my closet of a bedroom in Milford?? @linaberry Yup. @linaberry https://t.co/gxQ9KQrtRtI need this and AirPods... https://t.co/SQhNPA9seMSame. https://t.co/L3wagLMWBU @linaberry *cough cough my birthday is in 3 weeks cough cough* @linaberry *coufh cough cook book cough cough* @linaberry THAT LOOKS SO GOOD!!!!!!
11/29
2019
Please pick me up 😂😂 https://t.co/CVNBcYc4SF @AreUDeadassPod I thought it said you were thankful for edamame and I was like “same girl, great source of fiber” @spinzxx YOURE GOING TO YOUR BOYFRIENDS I THOUGH @spinzxx Surprise! lolJust a practice run 🤷🏽‍♂️ https://t.co/kgwjAbRbfLMeant to ask my niece where her oven mits were but instead asked her if I can crack open that bottle of wine. #HappyThanksgiving
11/28
2019
Why is using stainless steal cleaner so satisfying??
11/27
2019
My house is getting put into a moving truck tomorrow to be driven 1,000 miles south. It’s very emotional. It’s very real.
11/25
2019
There are two hearts on the line, one mine and both yours.
Retweeted by Tito Matthews🙌🏾 https://t.co/p6qg7mQPokgonna tell my kids this was ariana grande https://t.co/wI8SS4KpZ0
Retweeted by Tito Matthews @Chewy for the win on sending little Jerri an early birthday card! https://t.co/boADKVnrIJ
11/24
2019
“Everything’s ok” https://t.co/VBzTfZTt4Q
11/23
2019
RIP to my steak and cheese because my cat is a grade a asshole. @linaberry https://t.co/zxkNo3LW5SIma tell my kids this is Gordon Ramsay https://t.co/uCuwtcwhbZ
Retweeted by Tito MatthewsTito 😂😂 https://t.co/JC6fhMBO37
11/22
2019

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