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269 Following   40,515 Followers   6,564 Tweets

Joined Twitter 2/13/09


@RealMaxWaller @BlimpParking @bertkreischer I meant Jr. @bertkreischer Griffey.
9/21
2020
My eyes, neck and head hurt from looking at my phone too much. Send me a tweet, text, email, DM, or PM if you have any remedies @JasonHellerman I wish this tweet had an intermission. @RealMaxWaller Ha! Someday. Someday. @RyanDoherty47 Still deciding on 2017I had a trainer take a before picture of me six years ago and I’m starting to think we aren’t taking that after picture.Drink your milkshake https://t.co/S8P0F6c7KY
Retweeted by Tommy Johnagin @justin_halpern @PMSchumacker If I buy this and it goes on sale the next day I’m gonna be pissed.
9/20
2020
Damn. Not big enough.🤣💯 https://t.co/pJiMkn7v0L
Retweeted by Tommy Johnagin
9/19
2020
When you lie on the “special skills” part of your resume https://t.co/U1DD5OoOGFDo I get points for being close? https://t.co/4wPAOxixQ9 @JasonSCampbell @leepers500 https://t.co/CtUgEcFfv6Giannis Antetokounmpo completed a regular season in which he recorded the greatest player efficiency rating in NBA… https://t.co/ynPcKhGrgm
Retweeted by Tommy JohnaginWhy is everybody complaining about Giannis winning MVP over Lebron? He had better stats and a better team record. L… https://t.co/ocBs5zDlD8Amazing! Such a great show. Congrats to everyone involved. @PMSchumacker and @justin_halpern can answer any quest… https://t.co/8HshfYMbUHSomeone’s holding a big trophy knocking on the door of an empty house in Milwaukee https://t.co/TjyfcdwNbI“I can tow you back into town but you’re gonna have to wait till morning for me to get a look at it” https://t.co/GYcFvV6gg1
9/18
2020
Great we’ll just ask everyone to wear a mask. Shouldn’t be a problem https://t.co/YtMw5XpMPD @Rendy_Jones @MatthewACherry Truth!
9/17
2020
Uh...Mr President? https://t.co/agxGGao7r2This is how you make Dew Garitas https://t.co/8X6oDcLFDD @BrendanOBrien77 Finally you two agree on something. I hate to see you fight https://t.co/DM2sDaZgV0 https://t.co/EsMouUMqg0NBA coaches look like they’re going to talk to their manager about getting you two grand off a Corolla
9/16
2020
@PFTompkins @VDOOZER Sad to hear Paul has retired from acting but excited to see what he can do with microphones! @k__h__r @Buccigross @GettySport Great shots! @sarahtiana @stevebyrnelive I hope I’m in it
9/15
2020
@myqkaplan You’d really be in trouble if she ask “who’s that comedian that’s depressed.” @StuartScottsEye @gourmetspud That would definitely make me show up on time. @gourmetspud That seems accurate. I think it's somewhat because most of our adult lives we aren't asked to be anywh… https://t.co/Rzji7FHiHMI cant believe Mr. Grohl wrote a song about me!?! This is so so so #EPIC!! I think its the best song EVER, in the W… https://t.co/feaJItWhqX
Retweeted by Tommy Johnagin @gourmetspud wow. for someone who lives in another country and has never met me this is a pretty aggressive subtweet.PROVE ME WRONG https://t.co/bt0RZiSfqJ
9/14
2020
I always wear a mask when I go outside. But something about it was leaving me anxious and unsettled. I thought abou… https://t.co/o3nzDbij9L
Retweeted by Tommy Johnagin
9/12
2020
Alright, who forgot? @anylaurie16 They told her to just act like she doesn’t have cysts. Seems bad
9/11
2020
@sarahfrier Turn it back on! Turn it back on! @davestonecomedy And there’s only one man who can catch it [i don’t know photoshop but if I did I would have a pict… https://t.co/JcS6LmbwDS @joezimmerman https://t.co/dJjBWRWzFE this is his fault.I saw this and said, "If this is cake I'm leaving Twitter forever." https://t.co/2k2LT93nPd
Retweeted by Tommy Johnagin @StarrburyMike @MatthewACherry Hahaha!!!! @PFTompkins Come on man! If enough of us pass it along maybe Nancy Pelosi would hear about it. She can certainly do something. @gourmetspud Crazy ending! Wonder what they’ll do now? I bet Adam Silver’s phone is ringing off the hook.
9/10
2020
@TheMeganMooney You talked to the baby didn’t you? @jasmartin11 @Localnewspod @alexstonecomedy Haha!!Sucks to see Milwaukee lose at home like this
9/9
2020
With so much bad stuff going on in the world maybe we shouldn’t argue about stupid shit that nobody cares about...i… https://t.co/DdWjQHkTMxI don’t know what the gender is but I say we all agree to never speak to this baby
9/8
2020
https://t.co/OABOuhZKCf
Retweeted by Tommy Johnagin
9/7
2020
This Bin Laden family is getting on my last nerveNYC paid $69 million in police misconduct lawsuits in 2019 https://t.co/PFwYCH032S
Retweeted by Tommy JohnaginI don’t have a favorite kid but there’s one I try extra hard not to wake up.
Retweeted by Tommy Johnagin
9/6
2020
@Rennmann75 @atrupar @fitsnews @realDonaldTrump Did he say he never called John a loser because of X or did he say… https://t.co/F8NjHIlN2rThey each had their photo taken right after someone told them they can’t say the N-word https://t.co/MQZKZ6oI3i
9/5
2020
@leepers500 @nycsouthpaw Live look at the investigation: https://t.co/oeAbexmykV @Rennmann75 @atrupar @fitsnews @realDonaldTrump https://t.co/oY9amvOprg https://t.co/9H3HdbbC2XThat cocky son of a bitch. https://t.co/PFF1GCOn7bshot, chaser https://t.co/e7fDqjHnx5
Retweeted by Tommy Johnagin
9/4
2020
@polyeaster I think the demand would be too depressing
9/2
2020
@gourmetspud Looks like we found the bad apple. @JasonHellerman https://t.co/bcS81ZUh7hShow a kid a magic trick and they’ll annoy you for an hour. Teach a kid a magic trick and they’ll annoy you forever. @BillyWayneDavis Seems like we should get an exemption on body shaming here right?
9/1
2020
If you don’t break down the boxes the bin fills up! I’ll do it if you let me do it instead of throwing full boxes a… https://t.co/W7IS91BG6o
8/31
2020
@jsrohn @FINALLEVEL HahahaIf Brad Pitt wanted to date my wife I think I would find out I’m also in an open relationship https://t.co/88N5RFTmFwPlease give a raise to whoever picked this photo of Brad. https://t.co/4eKC7iaACl
Retweeted by Tommy Johnagin'Black Panther' director Ryan Coogler pens emotional, beautiful tribute to Chadwick Boseman https://t.co/bBGgQsU7TF https://t.co/cwfRaJSMg3
Retweeted by Tommy Johnagin @jfagone @leepers500 You’re in for a treatAmericans weren’t getting murdered every week in political violence when Barack Obama was president. This American… https://t.co/I9ehXKJ539
Retweeted by Tommy Johnagin @GianmarcoSoresi @anylaurie16 He can’t even find a mask that fits right. @SSCCTampa Ha! Nobody wants to see someone buy a house in cleveland.I’ve lost a lot of hours of sleep staying up because I want to see what house people pick
8/30
2020
I’ve seen too many videos of Tesla’s on fire to let this dude put something in my brain https://t.co/m1ntNkFqGDMr...uh Wick. John Wick. I’m here to kill...I mean see! See my friend (looks at notes) High Value Target https://t.co/5fOdzVh1QV
8/29
2020
Jerry Jones has suggested each NFL team send offensive linemen to block people from voting https://t.co/tMrSVYqU4B @eddiegossling This is rigged! I didn't even get to vote(Ukulele). You were going to jar pickles the whole time but… https://t.co/YT7HamL5YB @jimjackson419 @RexChapman @NBATV We really appreciate you. Thank you. You showed up to call a game but you did so much more. Great job.
8/28
2020
@slpng_giants @MarthaKelly3 @Fundly @Fundly shut this shit down. If you’re worried about losing the murderer base t… https://t.co/7DPdUSfcNQI don’t know Jay but I’m confident he doesn’t know what I need right now. https://t.co/eJ3oEy2Tr0
8/27
2020
@MollyJongFast @shrimpJAJ @MyFatherDPG don’t love this new ad @MattGoldich The picture was taken right after he leaned in and whispered “keep an eye on em”
8/26
2020
@jmart11 @Localnewspod @alexstonecomedy But because of alex right?
8/25
2020
@anylaurie16 I think you’re right. I don’t want to come off all pro-drinking breast milk from a bottle here. I’m no… https://t.co/nwD4N65ea2 @anylaurie16 I’ve always said we should get rid of ripped guys @BryanGutmann Tread 2
8/24
2020
@chaddenick I hope you win @All4daGators Good evening to you too! @RonFunches Then you understand the jealousy behind my tweet @ceejypeejy Solid @jimstadick Never settle. @TThomp69 The silent majority @JonKilmer Wow. That’s awesome. And Dick breath was a sweet burn. What cool guy.Half of twitter is just people trying to get The Rock to reply to them.
8/22
2020
@TomAThakkar @TommyMcNam Tom changed his last name for this reason
8/21
2020
@gourmetspud @mchooyah @Delta That's why RIP Queen is trending @ChrisAlanComedy Guy who owns the home court advantage
8/20
2020
@helytimes We want change! @EsaIndigena @mona_mira Dropping my “worlds best dad” coffee mug off at this dudes house.
8/19
2020

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