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The Internet is Mornington Crescent for fools.

2,148 Following   30,478 Followers   169,973 Tweets

Joined Twitter 3/10/14

People make fun of Lee Hurst but forget that in his day he was probably in the top 5 comics who specialised in joke… @twlldun Neither are real the whole thing is a Sacha Baron Cohen stunt.
Retweeted by .Do you remember, when the virus and the public got together to play football in no-man’s-land? @ShowerAbsolute “Pretty sure it was me coming out, stealing a car, getting convicted of something quite serious and…’s the real Melania, it’s a fake Donald. #openyoureyes @shit_rock Bit upset you are mocking Lee Hurst, Renaissance man. His translation of Ovid is what got me through Cambridgethis is so sad. I loved you in Beverly Hills cop
Retweeted by . @twlldun still go with Stewart Lee's 'Ant or dec' on this one
Retweeted by . @twlldun Adam Ant and Maurice Dec.
Retweeted by .This is not Melania
Retweeted by .Want to end sexism and racism in tv? Stop calling Ant and Dec by their first names. @twlldun Well yeah if you add in extra steps of course it looks dumb.
Retweeted by .1) stop calling Beethoven by his last name 2) ?????? 3) end sexism and racism
@MatthewBlott @matt_noutch @DavidDPaxton Well, if Peter Bradshaw thinks Biden needs Borat to swing it, I suggest he reads a paper @Britonomist @Rob_Joyce_ Well, if you are going to take it that far, most people don’t look at the ad hoardings at football matches either. @twlldun Also is it *that* unbelievable that the website throwing 10 popups at you before playing the Spurs game is…
Retweeted by . @twlldun Wow I am not paying to illegally stream this show just to be addressed in such a manner, boycotting now
Retweeted by . @hushthewarmth Having streamed some stuff illegally in the past (Oooh I’m so bad and daring) there’s definitely sit… DARE YOU WARN ME SHOPLIFTERS WILL BE PROSECUTED. This is a DISGRACE.I have quite a laissez faire attitude to online intellectual property rights but the tone of high dudgeon here is g… @DavidDPaxton Never watched the first one, no intention of watching the second. @DavidDPaxton @TheSimonEvans I dunno, I faze out most of my follow list because none of you are as interesting as me.Anyway, just so you aren’t too worried about me, I put the book down after 3/4 of a bottle of wine and 75 pages and… @TheSimonEvans Have you ever read Graves’ version? V good, but I do like Graves. @TyronWilson @notchrisevans @matthewcarson I think you’ll find that Jacinda Arden is the New Zealand Andy Burnham w… @twlldun Woy in South Wales restaurant: “Do you have any asparagus tips?” “No but we do have Embassy filters.”
Retweeted by . @Cadmarch I have a chunky kit-kat (peanut butter) for dessert, if that helps? @twlldun I look forward to the launch of your new centrist party in 6 years
Retweeted by . @OblomovStan Yep. First three books 99p on kindle.(I’m only reading the Anthony Powell because the first three books of a dance to the music of time is 99p on kindle today, btw)Eating pan fried duck with garlic potatoes, drinking chateauneuf du pape and reading Anthony Powell. At some point… @CatalinMU @Dorianlynskey Pretty sure there were (dunno whether they are still extant) blogs of him at the time goi… @RobFrancis82 Never watched it Tbf, but it’s pretty obvious the motivation for tonight’s movie criticism“The first Borat was funny because we could laugh at the funny foreigner but now he’s embarrassed a Republican he’s… @Dorianlynskey @CatalinMU Yep. And he was a dyed in the wool republican under Bush, suddenly discovered the horrifi…’s a classy man, this guy @jimmy_wales @raju *over half @DavidDPaxton @campbellclaret Where is the baby too. Perhaps Alistair can look into that next @edmorrish You don’t even have to evacuate them first. @edmorrish Oh I missed the energise half and only focused on the enrage. Answer is obvious then. Burn public schools to the ground. @edmorrish Adopt french as the national language @Dorianlynskey @phil_tinline (Met him again years after, he’s a nice enough chap now. Was a dick at 14) @Dorianlynskey @phil_tinline Rope bridge. Interior sleeve, I should say. @urbaneprofessor @wissewords Only they don’t do they. Their pay is set by an independent body. Agreed on the they s… @phil_tinline @Dorianlynskey One if my school bullies designed the album sleeve, bizarrely @manek43509 @SEyechild Like, dudes, do you even know how to culturally signify? They sell that shit at ASDA and Greggs. @manek43509 @SEyechild Made especially funny by the fact I loathe the omnipresence of salted caramel in fucking eve… have blocked the sale of the Flintoff book. Can anyone genuinely say they are against that?
Retweeted by . @mattleys @gabrielmilland @timoconnorbl Pardon me, I am not from Llanelli. I am, however, sitting walking distance from Gwyn’s birthplace. @mattleys @gabrielmilland Ah, someone who knows the local boys. Unlike @timoconnorbl who appears to think I’m a Turk. @mjrobbins @katebevan Crumpets. Half toast them, then Layer of butter, scraping of marmite, cheddar on top. Complet… @gabrielmilland @xtophercook True. I get mine from the second hand stall in Ponty market Tbf @xtophercook @gabrielmilland Loons. You may get anti lockdown looms as well. Life is a tapestry. @xtophercook @gabrielmilland Yeah, I kinda get the argument it’s to stop people lingering by non-essential stuff an… @gabrielmilland I’d be concerned about the Cornwell, if I hadn’t already bought it when it came out. @gabrielmilland I think the restrictions on non-essential items are silly and the justifications for them a bit spu… @gabrielmilland I’m sure civilisation won’t last being denied two weeks of access to Claire Balding’s book on heroic animals at Tesco @DavidDPaxton @Paul1Singh @DPJHodges Fair. Gradgrinds is the insult I shall reserve, showing my verbosity and erudition. @twlldun It’s very stupid. Also, don’t workers on the parliamentary estate benefit from subsidised meals as well as MPs?
Retweeted by . @DavidDPaxton @Paul1Singh @DPJHodges Worth noting that when Bevan made his lower than vermin remarks, the response… road to Brexit starts in many places but those who ignore that the expenses scandal was one of the roots of the… I would also note that on a purely political basis, seems like you are also punishing MPs who backed the exten…
Retweeted by . @cjayanetti @PreachyPreach (Because let’s be honest, if this is their brightest and best fresh blood, they are in t… @cjayanetti @PreachyPreach I mean, sure they were nationally, and I’m not downplaying your point, but how many were… @PreachyPreach Possibly a bit of “the collapse of the red wall meant that a lot of people who were originally selec… @stephenkb Exactly. Deaths, wages, food first. When we’ve sorted that out we can tear each other apart over doctrin… @stephenkb And even ones where they can get majority support on, they aren’t ones which most people care about with… @stephenkb Yes. And I actually think - moments of idiocy like this aside - it has a warping effect on politics. Bac… @twlldun I don't understand why none of the big parties haven't just gone 'your twitter and Facebook feed should be…
Retweeted by .(If Dominic Cummings really was such a mega brain genius, I think he’d probably suggest taking away smartphones fro…, you know, I broadly cleave to the idea that discourse should be more civil (whilst annoyingly pointing out th…’s “criticism” Johnny. It’s not incitement. This is the most ludicrous pearl-clutching imaginable. @CatalinMU @notchrisevans Yes but @notchrisevans @SEyechild Yes. I think it’s broadly silly (I accept there are reasons given, but I think those reas… @notchrisevans Some shit paperbacks too, if they are being sold in the supermarket. For two weeks. Big wow. @SEyechild It’s like they are unable to read. @SEyechild Bless. That’s the entire fucking point. Scylla and Charybdis are from the Odyssey. Sting uses it in “Wra… @residentadviser Sure, I agree. But in the midst of an economy destroying pandemic, you use the sticking plasters. @twlldun This is sort of the situation GOP legislators got themselves into with Covid relief. So fixated on persona…
Retweeted by . @thegoblinpoet (There literally will be an ASI paper coming “Make crack legal, and allow parents to buy it with foo… @MysteriosoX Or indeed parliamentary expenses.This is correct @twlldun Is it possible this is an error resulting from codes used by drug dealers to avoid surveillance, and the a…
Retweeted by . @jonawils That’s always the danger Jon. Perhaps a canny government would cut out the criminal middle man and just give families crack. @twlldun I wonder whether they've gone far enough. Maybe poor people shouldn't be allowed money at all in case they spend it on crack?
Retweeted by . @thegoblinpoet She could have used it to buy you drugs though Finn. This is the future neoliberals want. @CatalinMU I did a big monthly food shop but I’m out of drugs ok @twlldun Also you could argue that the "eat out to help out" scheme will have been used in exactly the same way.
Retweeted by . @twlldun Just eat the food Twll and use your next paycheck to buy drugs smdh
Retweeted by . @twlldun Say No To Cake.
Retweeted by .I mean, if you do know any dealers who will accept two tins of meatballs in onion gravy, a packet of hob-nobs and c… right way to frame it would be “some parents are using food parcels as a substitute and their benefits to buy d… summarize: In 2017, when he wasn’t in office, Joe Biden didn’t have a meeting about a business venture that woul…
Retweeted by . @twlldun And getting to live in actual brothels was only the stuff of Hollywood films back in the day.
Retweeted by . @LyndonRosser That’s Irwin for you @twlldun Bruce Morton, when doing stand up outside of Glasgow, would ask audiences "Do you have a drug problem arou…
Retweeted by .It’s all about the free market providing variety, you see. We only had smack when we were little. It’s ok, but it gets samey after a while.The main message I’m getting here is the march of progress. When I were a lad, you wouldn’t be able to get crack in…