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@magnettheater contrib. @reductress @The_Belladonnas @littleoldlady__ OWNS TOO MANY SWEATERS

2,154 Following   1,348 Followers   10,665 Tweets

Joined Twitter 4/22/11

@mattbrooooks I’m constantly triggeredI needed an ID to buy these cough drops so hoping to get a little buzz goingJust me or does Idina Menzel’s voice not match with Elsa’s faceWarren was not mean, nor angry. She was effective. And by the way, we are allowed to be angry about racial profil…
Retweeted by virginia dickensI have no problem voting for Bernie or watten but idk.. I just think warren’s more likable!!!!! 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ @notteepine I always forget that only 13 people follow this one 😅 @notteepine 👀👀👀me? oh, I'm doing great, thanks for asking! Just sitting in a Starbucks writing a sketch called The Fairy Pube MotherStarbucks tea is great if you want to drink tea 2 hours after purchase when it’s finally cooled downCough drops are just capitalism taking advantage of the mildly sick. (Cough drops don’t work.) @KatieMordhorst No but we share similar vibesRare footage of me from 2002
As of today: goes to Trader Joe’s twice in one dayIn 2020 I’ve become the person who: - waits in line for the library to open - waits in line for Trader Joe’s to openMe as a presidential candidate: “Please donate if you can. If u can’t that’s totally fine” “Uhh so i have this d… @TheKateShine It’s a lose/lose situation I’m willing to sacrificePlease no one tag me in anymore chain mail tweets I need me notifications to be 100% about me
New headline!!!!!!!!!!
Me getting just one item at Taco Bell attempting to be genuinely happy for someone else in any capacity know sometimes when you read your name and it looks weird and ur like “is that me??”
@missmulrooney Hahahaha oh no!!!My headline went up on Valentine’s Day & I was too busy sulking to see it! @Quietgirlriot Thank YOU!!!!! Every woman should be thanked constantly!!What keeps me up at night? Wondering if the dress-over-jeans trend will ever return
@OMaraRules @theandrearomano @UncommonBee @adria_dawn @pgfreek @CherSilvestri @itsCarolineLiem @annhagemann @dominicknero Karaoke boho on orchard can’t go wrong. Cash only atm insideToday I tried to justify Valentine’s Day as a religious holiday (st. valentine RIGHT GUYS) Catholic school really stuck w me huhCan’t wait for my friends to get divorces so i can pick a team!!(Maybe @USPSHelp can find it I don’t have my hopes up)On top of that my @USPS package that was marked as “delivered” yesterday still hasn’t arrived so I’m gonna have to… mind me I’m just going home to I guess take a shower because a homeless person put THEIR FEET ON MY HEADMad respect for this woman next to me on the train who put a piece of gum in her mouth and is CHEWING. QUIETLY.Something I think about all the time is how bad the internet essays will be on the day Joan Didion dies
Retweeted by virginia dickens
lol oh no I forgot to check HINGE today!!!! @empiricallyric uh thank you and You’re welcome? And happy Valentine’s Day?One day I won’t be single, and all u people who waited to make a move because “what’s the rush? Virginia is a singl… think maybe today’s the day I watch the Irishmanso one airpod is significantly less loud than other & i tried cleaning out wax w a qtip to no avail, but now the in… many grown men playing video games on their phones at full volumeI’m in the docto’s waiting room & the nurse comes out and yells “VIRGINIA DICKENS” and this woman in the waiting room yells back “WHO?”Why, yes! I am currently single* *Seeking representation
Retweeted by virginia dickens“Hey, do u wanna come over? We can sit on opposite sides of the room and scroll Instagram?”😂😂😭😭 is The Circle??? @colleencroskey Ok just saw the vid in question I have some THOUGHTSSure, “likes” are meaningless but I still let them determine my entire self worth
@colleencroskey Reclines** @colleencroskey I justify it if the person behind me declines @zakkamin I just started this!! @Quietgirlriot Someone who knows what’s going on in my life, listens to me, offers advice from time to time, ya know.. a bestie! @CeleySchumer can confirm!A trader joes employee who is bad at conversing
love when ppl “can’t relate” to your satire as if any other type of person can’t be satirizedLast week i had a panic attack in a karaoke bar & it shockingly wasn’t because of poor song choice @lolwaitok Literally last week she told me I need to start looking for a new best friend, soMy therapist is my best friend?
@thisiscourtnay bravo, jake, bravoSomeone plz date me so I can stop doing those “what r u?” Instagram things*almost exclusively. Some ppl are from jerseyLove when ppl on apps are like “the craziest thing I’ve done is move to nyc ✌️🤪” as if they’re not talking exclusiv… IT DOWN I JUST MATCHED WITH A GLASS BLOWER ON HINGE YALL ARE INVITED TO THE WEDDINGLarry David is as that age when he’s trending i get nervousAlso shoutout to this princess 👑 got to say hello to some pups tonight. eilish is honestly genius if u always dress comfy ppl will expect u to dress comfy
Is drinking alone before seeing Westminster dog show a:y is this so hot you drink almond milk
Retweeted by virginia dickens"Because I'm a fucking weirdo." -Bong Joon Ho 2020 #Oscars
Retweeted by virginia dickenstoo early to retweet this???? does ford v ferreri actually exist?Oh my parents are probably LOVING this Randy Newman bitI wouldn’t mind if they did a quick lesson in the difference between sound editing & sound mixingMe when Eminem shows up #oscars @MelissaAquiles lol of course I found it on twitter @HarryOnInternet I sitting here w permanent teary eyes @MelissaAquiles Yea what was that all about??????!!!!!bong joon ho admiring his oscar is literally the most wholesome thing ever 🥺 #Oscars
Retweeted by virginia dickens @amandarecupido Yes it’s SO GOOD but the owner of this copy underlined stuff so I’m seeing a therapist’s take-away… where’s Zach Braff?No one knows the name of Todd Phillips’ date which seems.. too fitting.An E! red carpet commentator just said a baby bump is the perfect accessory 🙄🙄🙄
lol so seamless gave me $4 off White Castle, so i order White Castle. Then they cancel my order and give me 20% off… @limitlessjest Omg I just screameduh oh
Retweeted by virginia dickensRight now I’m reading a book about a therapist’s therapist and the copy belongs to a therapist that shares an office with my therapist
Who wants to invite me to their Oscar viewing party I can offer wine and hot takesHot take: the Cheer pyramid could be.... easier? @chrtucci but can’t u still see a little turtleneck over the jacket?“I have a lot of love to give, and I want to give it to you” sounds very cute or creepy depending on context
woah it’s my headline $$$$$ time I turn on Cheer I’m like “I’m not gonna cry” like why do I keep lying to myselfToday my therapist thought i was “doing well” so I will be accepting congratulatory gifts in the form of twitter follows and/or chocolateDoes it count if we never “defined the relationship” @chrtucci OmgWow this blew up. Who knew y’all liked corgis so much 🤣 While you’re here, check out this cctv footage of my littl…
Retweeted by virginia dickensplanning a family trip to vegas oh we’ve upset the Bernie bros!!!!