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Valerie Tosi @valerie_tosi Los Angeles CA

Standup, Actor, Writer, VO • Seen on @TeamCoco • Agent Nesbit on IFC @StanAgainstEvil • Host of @MermaidComedyHr at @HollywoodImprov

3,444 Following   7,621 Followers   16,235 Tweets

Joined Twitter 1/26/13

@saraschaefer1 SARA 🤣 @kDuncanG for that show they just ask that you be referred by one @WinterBourneTO Thank you! ❤️ @davesacher I love that moment just after submitting something where it feels like anything is possible. And by mom… submitted a beast of a writing packet. Put on makeup to take this photo because I’m pretty dang proud of mysel… CAN ONLY BE ONE THIGHLANDER @bnacker It’s like you know I’m working on a packet that’s harvesting my soul @BossyMatilda Hahahaha omg
@WynterSpears @JonoZalay I love hearing when famous people are nice! @JonoZalay He’s so good it infuriating. But also every time I watch something and he appears on screen I’m like oh HELL yeah.Outdoor yoga is fun because you get to experience things like “OH FUCK THERE’S A SKUNK!” Very zen.Horrible time for the NRA, first they close down schools and now this.
Retweeted by Valerie Tosi @BossyMatilda Wow it’s like we’re the same personI was obsessed with Lucy as a kid. Years ago I read her bio and one of the first things I did when I moved to LA wa… @MitchellAHorton it’s basically my earthquake kit @jose602x the top seems wide enough to stick my face in so I’m coolthis is the first time a sponsored ad has really unlocked my deepest desires and I am shook @goddammitsarah I gasped and then started crying the first time I watched this. This whole thing is so awful, but I’m glad she’s ok.
@BryanCooking He doesn’t know it but I’ve already got Jeff doing a clinical trial. It’s amazing what you can do wit… @dumbcaleb I’ve been regretting not doing this since March 1st @lisa_curry you just described my TuesdayMy take away from today’s WGA panel is to be clear with what you want. I would love to be a writer’s assistant. I’… @dsmbfree It was crazy. I had never been up that high before but it was worth it.I went to outdoor yoga today, then went on a late afternoon walk that turned into a six mile hike. I can’t feel my…
The rumors are true, WE’RE BACK BABYYYYYYYYY!!! @tjchambersLA Also, 100% not saying to storm a place. But they at the very least should have knocked and said yo parties over. @tjchambersLA They had hired a dj and a food truck man. They should have shut that down. If this was a party anywhe…’m going to be thinking about this for a long time:
Retweeted by Valerie Tosi“The LAPD told ABC7 there was nothing they could do earlier... and the agency is not enforcing health code violatio… @heytherejeffro @tjchambersLA @FrankLeeAmish @nesgritton Ok but @hilarybarraford just asked if that stood for the “… @heytherejeffro @tjchambersLA @FrankLeeAmish @nesgritton That’s enough boys, we’ll be over here hanging out in real… @FrankLeeAmish @nesgritton @heytherejeffro Omg what is this even from?!? 🤣
Every time I leave the house I’m like “Can someone tell these trees to stop acting like nothing’s wrong?” Hella deceiving, bro."the government has no business making me wear a mask" i say before i buckle my seatbelt, drive the speed limit to…
Retweeted by Valerie Tosi @KennyDeForest I have an amp and a mic but I’m too afraid to share a mic with anyone. Is BYOMic a thing? Can it be?Look what arrived today!!! Buy @saraschaefer1’s new book Grand! bet those SpaceX astronauts already regret coming back to earth @goddammitsarah I just learned so much @PallaviGunalan @solomongeorgio If that’s what it takes to get these fools to stop commenting consider me a true believer @solomongeorgio AMENWealthy gross dudes are the worst, like just how many of them have said they want access to Dakota Johnson’s pipeline? @reeesesinpieces @mom4med4all Hi! Please remember I’m a comedian. The comment of ‘go get em dad’ is meant to be sar… @heather_hanford Wait what??? WHYYYYY @katfoodbreath @thedanielwebb Omg YESNothing says ‘Self Care Sunday’ like letting your skin burn under a sheet mask for 20 minutes while contemplating h… @allison_pons Thank you! @SMEM57 Wow ok this is REALLY backfiring @rambocalrissian Ha! You monsterLook, I’m sarcastic but I’m not an asshole. Let me host a show. @DinoRay @joyregullano is a delight! @nikkiblackcat Omg!!!!!
No lie NYT just kickstarted my period! Best depiction of a film crew!!! 🏆🏆🏆🤣😂🤣
Retweeted by Valerie Tosi @BossyMatilda 2021 BLESSED BE THE FRUIT @BossyMatilda Eeeeeeekkkk!!!!!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼Also yesterday was my dads birthday and I am humbled he unknowing gave me this gift @mowrey__mowrey @nicolanotnikki @kristincliff @BabsGray @leresatee @nesgritton @ClisterVision @chrissymeds ✨ reasons ✨ I need more funny bi/pan people on my feed. Here are some of my absolute favorites. Tell me yours!…
Retweeted by Valerie Tosiok but the REAL test is if Taylor Swift can drop a quarantine Christmas album with an original banger @PallaviGunalan her wardrobe is major goals 😍 @GEORGE3Q Ok now you’re just being mean @GEORGE3Q I just want to experience it at a drive in even though I’ve seen it 700x @k8_orlando Sold out WHYYYYYYYGive us the original Jurassic Park at a drive-in you cowards.2020 feels like a rigged Choose Your Own Adventure book. @debhiett Seriously. I feel like I’m in a choose your own adventure book. @beatrixxxxkiddo dude this made me laugh so hard I couldn’t even read Jeff the reply out loudMy father, who can’t even check his own email, took to the internet to leave a 1 star review on our hometown McDona… @heytherejeffro I wish. For such a big man you never pull hard enough. @heytherejeffro All you had to do was kiss me upside down and you BLEW IT @MarkAgee @heytherejeffro @tjchambersLA ::Mark Agee has entered the chat:: @Joezylla you gotta respect their hustle @CooneyOrDie the accuracyMake that 15 🤬 @amandadeibert @SaraJBenincasa @joahbeauty Ok when do I get 1(00)?I was just outside for 10min and I got bitten 13 times. WHEN DID LA GET MOSQUITOS?!?! @tjchambersLA Also, take solace in the fact that you’re doing financially better than your ex and her bf and can af… @tjchambersLA I legit just said to @heytherejeffro “ thank God T.J. doesn’t do standup anymore because he’d totally have a bit about this.“ @tjchambersLA @heytherejeffro where you also trying to watch hours of Ridiculousness while incredibly stoned? @tjchambersLA also I need your sling info for my second tv @SircarTikku @tjchambersLA sweet baby boy i would murder you. all that would be left is your pleather jacket @tjchambersLA yes @SircarTikku @tjchambersLA Why must you troll me ALWAYS Tikku? @tjchambersLA NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ALWAYS @BryanCooking I’m so glad the pandemic hasn’t changed your disposition @BryanCooking NHL, Montreal vs Pittsburg @BethStelling @lisa_curry @Yassir_Lester BETH 😂 @nikkiblackcat Omg NEED @WhoseBacon Even Michael Bublé doesn’t know what month it is @matalanomartin 😹😹😹Poor Michael Bublé, singing to a hockey rink with absolutely zero horny moms right now @hannahfontella So awesome. Finally something to look forward to ❤️ @hannahfontella Yessss!!! Congrats!! Tell us all what it’s like to work again!!
In case you’re not already angry about the Post Office, remember: A new round of stimulus checks will need to get… @TotallyAllen but also there’s a packet for her show floating around and I’m like “are you... sure?”I live down the street and there has been a MASSIVE homeless encampment in front of this bar for months. The video… @BryanCooking What’s crazy is I live down the street and there has been a massive homeless encampment in front of t… @b3OC I honestly think people assume we do what we do “for the love of the game”. Call me crazy, but I’d also like to eat. @b3OC UGHHHHHHHHHH