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samantha irby @wordscience THE MIDDLE WEST


1,830 Following   44,118 Followers   1,565 Tweets

Joined Twitter 3/23/09

@XavierDLeau that whole season was fucking weird. i loved that girl with the attitude, though. she would NOT LET UP. @XavierDLeau oh my god yes @paperalphabet real question: can i be sued for fanfic? because if not i'ma write some. @paperalphabet because they know it would be FILTHY @eveewing
I’m gonna tell my grandkids that this was Julia Child.
Retweeted by samantha irbytoday on judge mathis, TEENS:'m gonna tell my grandkids that this was Steven Spielberg
Retweeted by samantha irbyTall Glass ft Daniel Kaluuya this week on #TheRead
Retweeted by samantha irby @noname love u @writeclubrules this is you and me in an alternate universe @lostblackboy @hunteryharris god i hope so
@OLOfragrance FEBRUARY 13 @_omgigi_ my porn!THIS IS MY SEXUALITY @marquitasade @ahiddenIife HELLO, BOYFRIEND. @WrittenByHanna i'm framing these tweets @WrittenByHanna HANNA!!!!!!!! i love you @dansinker dan i love you and your impeachment news is the only news i readtoday on judge mathis, giving maury povich a run for his money: @AmandaRosenberg @Kohls they really are the TRUTHbihhhhhhh my name is right there. on a magazine cover.
Retweeted by samantha irbydairrhea
Retweeted by samantha irby @RachelCharleneL it’s sooooooo good @RachelCharleneL first aid beauty ultra repair cream!
@one_crab THANK YOU BABE @ira @julianbreece @GBerlanti whoop whoop!If you would like to hire me to write features like the many I have written before (that can be found here:…
Retweeted by samantha irby @siskaphrenia let me make some calls @JWhitePubRadio i do this every single day i am clearly disturbed BUT I'M HERE FOR YOU @amyhoy 🤯today on judge mathis, an asshole: @ejdickson i’m crying at this @BarfieldLaRue i’ll officiate the weddingbrandy is the best i’m cryingimportant follow up“being a person is often very stupid and a bit of a letdown.” 🥳🥳 @_ellenisdead @imbobswaget i should have called her a bad feminist @_ellenisdead @imbobswaget hahahaha bitch yes!me in 2009 v me in 2019 @turnthineeyes bahahaha let me call kohl’s!new books, alison roman, and cozy clothes: @SorayaRoberts @jourdayen @imbobswaget "hi nice to finally meet u, i love modern family" @jourdayen @imbobswaget my chair had a name tag!! i burst out laughing and immediately tried to reabsorb back into the earth what a messY’all. Help, I can’t stop crying. 😭😭
Retweeted by samantha irby @MostlyMax i thought the same thing! "let me go download this young man's songs!" @imbobswaget ME FUCKING TOO lmao
@carmenmmachado jibri is my shit YOU BETTER GET IT @kelleent yes yes yes yes yes
@Jillhopkins it’s great! and yes please! @mollybackes MARRY HER
today on judge mathis, meat receipts: @IWriteAllDay_ @NicoleFroio changing my number, see y'all in hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! @WittiestManEver GET ME SOME TOOputting these at the top of my christmas list @sdlorman OK NOW
@_ellenisdead SHE CAME DOWN IN A BUBBLE, DAWG.i think about this video at least once a week @stephycha @IsaacFitzgerald you deserve!“”eww she fuck the weed man for weed” -a bitch that’s fucking the text man for texts”
Retweeted by samantha irby
Alright, getting today's update written right now. Sign up in the next 60 minutes or so to…
Retweeted by samantha irby @_ellenisdead i was saying this in the VERY HILARIOUS “you aren’t really from chicago” way! don’t be embarrassed!!… was going through a spell of depression—too much exposure to the misery of this world—when I started interviewing…
Retweeted by samantha irbyImagine "waking up" and being "ready" to "take on" the "day".
Retweeted by samantha irby @reebsonstage my angel 💖 @_ellenisdead ellen i’m from evanston
today on judge mathis, your dad on tinder: @honeystaysuper (your book is on its way to me rn) @honeystaysuper 🥰🥰🥰🥰 @Vanessa_KDeLuca omg i think you are FANTASTIC 💫Hymen Great Til They Gotta Be Great this week on #TheRead
Retweeted by samantha irbyit’s holiday season/dinner party time! please consider having non alcoholic drink options at the table. i have a be…
Retweeted by samantha irby
@joshgondelman oh hello we are the same @battymamzelle OH HELLO“It’s not that money makes you happy, but *not* having money is a really corrosive kind of stress.”
Retweeted by samantha irby"The (Other) F Word" is the CCBC Book of the Week. @misskubelik @abramskids
Retweeted by samantha irbyTime is my fave comparison that puts it into perspective! A million seconds is 12 days. A billion seconds is 31.7…
Retweeted by samantha irbyI wrote about the scars we inherit from our parents for my latest #Watchmen recap for @vulture.
Retweeted by samantha irby @honeystaysuper omggg thank you for seeing me 😭Our December Poetry Book Club pick is @Danez_Smif's HOMIE, forthcoming from @GraywolfPress! To receive your early c…
Retweeted by samantha irbyHere's a visual of my 35 favorite books of the decade.
Retweeted by samantha irby @mariskreizman WOW MARIS DAMN
@thealux oh hiiiiiiiiiiii @adamm0rgan MY LOVE FOR DOCTOR CRUSHER WAS GALACTIC @Caissie ANYTIME @RachelMcKibbens our dark haired queens! @Lady_VEE you gotta marry me @RachelMcKibbens COME AND KNOCK ON MY DOOR @bibliogrrl 1000% @ToniinTexas OH SHIT @mamapeachtoyou @_omgigi_ me three! night court filled a lot of crush needs for me??? @JenTod_ 🥰🥰🥰
@sassyblackdiva @imbobswaget i’m sorry for introducing you to GREATNESS ALEXIS @JohntheCraptist WHEN HIS FOOT LEFT THE GROUND!!! @ms_creilly @Nicole_Cliffe bobby axelrod (aka damian lewis) on billions wears CASHMERE HOODIES and there are so man… @imbobswaget @sassyblackdiva it is FULLY UNHINGED and yes i watched every episode multiple times @sassyblackdiva @imbobswaget oh hello welcome to this hell club
today on judge mathis, a dude who brought a briefcase: