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writer and certified goof. no rom, just com. don’t tell me what to do. she/her. https://t.co/DtRK8ftNEL

862 Following   4,133 Followers   15,943 Tweets

Joined Twitter 4/17/11


@eleniZarro 😂😂😂me: do you think this is tweetable? doc: sorry, not in my opinion me: *sobbing* so i am... going to... die? doc:… https://t.co/DeNBmuFLGp
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️How many of you guys were raised in a racist family and have chosen to be accepting and loving despite your family's ignorance?
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️I always thought Krampus was the patron saint of menstruation.
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️ @emily_tweets I’m from Chicago I’m so sorry @HansGrubertron Sometimes I am glad we are friends and other times I am not
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️ @emily_tweets We’re here for you 🥺🍩🍦I had my Siri set to Australian male, but his Australian accent couldn’t understand my American accent so I had to… https://t.co/4j50RIyGWJ
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️ @VerizonSupport @goofballbirkla Well now I wanna switch to Verizonme: how could you do this to me? we had a plan! we had an agreement! verizon: plans change.
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️about to walk into McDonald's in a full Ronald costume and blow some fucking minds
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️ @kennyfckndavis I think @itsmebeegee07 needs to see this @Ketih_the_Yeti Jokes? On this website?! @flindis “I’ll tell ya right now I’m hard to fit!”Him: I think... I think I’m ready to say the L word... Me: Babe. Let me go first.... Lasagna.*writing my will* Attorney: So, when you die, you want to be encased in concrete and placed so as to divert the fl… https://t.co/fcJGZqZNyN
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️Boss: Why don’t you take one for the team... Me: Why don’t YOU take one for the team! Boss: What? Me: What?! Bo… https://t.co/5VEo2ajLIW
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️Jesus [about to be crucified]: Help! Save my skin! Priest [holding wafer-thin biscuit aloft]: I gotchu, bro
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️ @SvnSxty Practically newmy nudist neighbours are moving away and selling everything and I'm thinking the washer and dryer will be worth a look
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️ @Lottie_Poppie Hugs, love ♥️ you’re an amazing human @WinningByARose Everyone has their flaws Cat 😂😂 @WinningByARose Lmao oops https://t.co/RdnaxhOH5tYou don’t know what fun is until you’ve witnessed a drunk on the Edinburgh to Glasgow train screaming “A fucking ha… https://t.co/L9aWtW3On9
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️imagine falling in love with someone and then finding out they set their alarm six times in the morning
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️stranger: do you wanna shoot heroine? me: why would you shoot the heroine, she’s the heart of the story.
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️ @Mr_DrEsquire WILL I?? @Mr_DrEsquire I will fight you. @hunkybloodydory Jesus now I doIt’s so cute when Gen Z tries to insult us millennials. We had metal slides and lawn darts, you can’t touch us
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️ @Mr_DrEsquire You’re brilliantThrough the blur of cavorting couples, we lock eyes from across the spacious dance hall. Her body is draped in a st… https://t.co/0HdXTiSkDC
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️ @EmSchwegy What a cutie 🥰 I like your glasses!colleague: i hate the clown from IT me: same he never fixes my computer
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️sometimes opening the twitter app is like being choked but not in the fun sexy way
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️Kind people are my jam and also strawberry.
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️
1/19
2021
I hope this email has a very particular set of skills and will find you and will kill you.
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️BF: [In the kitchen making ranch] Me: [Storms in furiously, slams hand on counter] Me: OKAY, so, here’s the dill
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️ @SvnSxty That’s what fuels it.why can't CAPTCHA just sense my panic
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️ @CatJacquesESPN https://t.co/RdP3rL9mGZ @iggythebot https://t.co/dBCuHsMKMx“You can’t come to my birthday party” is the same as “fuck you” in kindergarten.
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️Using a hula hoop in public is a great way to take charge of your personal space.
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️If I had a husband, I would just set him down somewhere and forget where I left him like I do with my keys, glasses, cell phone, and purse.
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️We could all use a boop on the nose from time to time.
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️ @maxoupial Just blew my mind @frenziedandfine You are a shining light ✨💫 @ScottGriffith11 Try to be patient - it took me multiple tries to find the right fit (and I had the same issue with… https://t.co/oUBZy0ELiC @itsmebeegee07 Look who's talkin 😍😍😍😍 @flindis Make em very sleepy so you can walk by unharmed, brilliant. @ScottGriffith11 Most people don't know how to handle this at all and offer up a "you got this" :/ I'm really sorry… https://t.co/Hajyjv3dRQ @mommygalore Pam 🥰🥰🥰 @wumother AHHH!! 😂🥺Me: [walks into bakery] Baker: What kind of donut would you like? Me: Fuck my life up with as much chocolate as legally permitted.
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️ @ScottGriffith11 Do you have a good support system? @luvleelyd Hiiiii 😍😍😍 @NaomiSeu I love all the knitwear and you! 🥰 @Tobi_Is_Fab https://t.co/WMILLUvR8r @ScottGriffith11 Aw I’m sorry 😔 I hope it gets better for you ASAP @ohgeorgeishere You got this, George! 👐🏼 @BerrymoreBlue Cuz of those bright eyes dude!! @clevertxguy You have such striking features 🔥 @thevandeman11 @Hammyinmiami Jammies all day!!Kids today will never know the pain of having their fave song knocked out by a shitty one for the #1 spot on Casey Kasem’s countdown
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️ @AmandaRNH https://t.co/YWFGn0M8le @Greg_1_Leg @dimplesticks @_nataliee8 @Emmy_WithAnA @Troubleandcats @awkwardenabled @arwenlothbrok @LemonyKlem G 🥺🥺… https://t.co/A5uDE36eVT @janehilll @wumother https://t.co/WXk0FXPBld @flindis Lmao 😂 anywhere and everywhere. Even the fridgeBeing around people just reinforces why Forrest Gump ran for 2 years
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️ @BerrymoreBlue I get why we call you blue now 😧👁 @crashtestdrummy We’ve been blessed with the BEARD 🔥🔥 @Ketih_the_Yeti Happy Monday Keith! 💙💙 @Hammyinmiami you are so PRECIOUS 🥺 @leeloojbesson Awww 🥰 @baconelf You’re on the right track @EthanOpia_ What a patootie with your power tools @goofyAFRIch Puttin today? @hunkybloodydory Stay warm PB!! @flindis https://t.co/ZA8CFg6vLF @TuffyMcShites Lookin fly! Did you hydrate 😂 @ReplyGuyCR1 I slept so much 🙌🏼Stuck somewhere between “You can’t tell me what to do!” and “Someone please tell me what to do.”
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️ @janehilll @wumother Ugh Jane YOU BEAT ME TO ITIt’s Monday and I got to sleep in because long weekend 🥳 so show me your faces if you’re so inclined! Also, and thi… https://t.co/2L3o8irProDo people who believe in reincarnation recycle?
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️Maybe I'm not anxious. Maybe I'm just haunted by anxious ghosts.
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️A pen that plays Gorillaz music while you write with it, call it Feel Good Ink.
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️Them: You saw big foot? Me: What? No, I saw big food Them: ... Me: And it was beautiful
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️*has moment of vulnerability* lol no thank you *yeets it across the galaxy* @Trumpedup15 @flindis No worries! Have a nice dayIf an engineer works on engines, does a pioneer work on pies?
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️A week’s worth of clean laundry in the basket, all ready to be folded. My dog: [CANNONBALL]
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️why are there so many podcasts made by one dude instead of a bunch of whales.
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️I’m a dad, so if anyone needs me I’m gonna be sweeping all these fucking Cheerios off the floor
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️ @mattewe02 How could youNot to brag but when I read a tweet that starts, "I don't know who needs to hear this" I usually know exactly who needs to hear it.
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your weight / body size is the least interesting thing about you. 🤍
Retweeted by ❄️ 62 inches of Jo ☃️ @80sjams https://t.co/bzeiQ1Bs67 @i_mthestorm Where CANT you
1/18
2021

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