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old tom @YuckyTom new jersey

proud mother to four robust conservative boys

929 Following   15,377 Followers   49,656 Tweets

Joined Twitter 4/16/11

took him back to my labyrinth for a david blowiehow come nobody here knows what a rhetorical question is
Retweeted by old tom @AJ_Smith_Writes don’t do this. not ufather, son, house of yucci
@deathoftheparty @JordanETID 🥺
Retweeted by old tom @litreallynoone that dude looks 50 he don’t have a softball game he should be at or somethingwe should ban lighting up a room with your smile, everyone who does it ends up in a sad story on the news
Retweeted by old tomThis is an instant fucking classic
Retweeted by old tom @reallyjustdave did u tell them u know me and i’ll be suing them for $60 million like scarlett is doing disneyguy who gets upset the protagonist of a movie based on a mute ninja from a 40 year old cartoon doesn’t kiss anybody HANDS
Retweeted by old tomlong hair, leather jacket, slayer t-shirt, fries with gravy at the tick tock diner
Retweeted by old tom @ohwelljane @owelband 👀The fact that the episode of sunny where dennis is eating cereal while driving and gets rear ended was inspired by…
Retweeted by old tom @Cpin42 no question @oniontimee wow @oniontimee 😬😬😬😬 i had only ever heard of the podcast bc it comes up in my “suggested” shit all the time. thank g*d i never gave it a shot!wtf is this ordered a book about vultures and when I receive it my god i promise to literally never fucking shut up about…
Retweeted by old tom @KelgoreTrout never forgetI’ll put it this way, I’d rather every person in the service industry quit their job & be happy than ever go to a restaurant or bar again
Retweeted by old tombefore i eat pussy i always rattle off a list of my favorite suffragettes and prohibition-era female bootleggers so…
Retweeted by old tomdecorating on a budget ✨
Retweeted by old tom @ilovejeffprobst hahaha oh g*d
Retweeted by old tom @dzzzny muscle mark 😭😭😭 @litreallynoone this is beautiful @maisondecris we as humans fear that which we don’t understand @yeahokblake @mattxiv man that’s the best part hahahahsomeBODY once told me my dick smells like bologna no way in hell would they give me headStill amazes me that Andre the Giant was three times larger than a normal man. Can you imagine it? His penis must have been six inches long
Retweeted by old tom @alexgmurd great tweet girl 🤣 instant follow 🤣😂🤣keep up the good work 😂😂😂[watching a kung fu movie] hey watch out man, th- oh good he got em
Retweeted by old tomahead of his time
Retweeted by old tom @YuckyTom
Retweeted by old tom @met2art oh my fucking god @ghoulnxtdr @zackfox took me the fuck outhere go Clifford the hymen checker Harris talkin again
Retweeted by old tom @sherrysworld delete this @TimLandesJr @TexasMonthly this is so coolThis @YuckyTom tweet/meme is all over my FB feed today, and every time I see it I feel a responsibility to share th…
Retweeted by old tomWhat are you referring to specifi—oh boy.
Retweeted by old tomGod gives his sexiest bodies to his greenest M&Ms
Retweeted by old tomI was 18 when I made my twitter handle. Philosophia, from the Greek, meaning "the love of wisdom". Now I only like…
Retweeted by old tomBen Stiller deciding that Hollywood is “ultimately a meritocracy” is so funny to me
Retweeted by old tom
@AJ_Smith_Writes man no way! don’t be fuckin around theyll pop you for anything. u gotta be carefulIf "where's my hug" was a room
Retweeted by old tomDa Asshole
Retweeted by old tom @tommybombthreat pulled me over once bc i was “swerving” (i was coming home from the mall and my black friend was in the passenger seat)for NJ people… it was Clark @therealLJadey everything u can perceive with ur eyes and beyond is real @Prof_Hinkley g’head quit… just like simonaccording to my dad some cop kicked him and his brother out of a whole ass town for racing in the late 70s then he… @reallyjustdave i was gonna include “substitute” lol cuz i think mine was too @GruntDiddles 🥺🙏🏻 @TheHyyyype THATS what it reminded me of i couldnt put my finger on it lol @ronnui_ his father was the director…. u know how that goes 🙄
Retweeted by old tom @kriztaaaa @6RAFFITl wtf is happening to mewe all had that one teacher who dressed like this
Retweeted by old tom @nora_bones_ @Scrmables *~*could it be u*~* @st__arving this is one of my favorite tweets of all time and i literally think about it every day. ilueating shrimp is a biblical sin too and if u dont think shrimp is as big a deal as gay sex well COME ON DOWN TO THE SHRIMP SHACK WE GOT SHRI
Retweeted by old tomthey gave me the MacArthur genius grant for designing an IUD that looks like a dream catcher
Retweeted by old tomI do ask you to respect my privacy at this time. Thank you.
Retweeted by old tom @st__arving ♥️ 🥺 @Browtweaten i’m going to try and make a gaming reference rn stop me if it isn’t in line with the sentiment im tryi… @Scrmables g*d that line kills mePaying my electric bill with “great company culture” and “awesome perks”
Retweeted by old tom @kayla2sabes hahaha @6RAFFITl did u really need to comment on it? commenting seems even more superfluous than a caption. thanks for ur… @deburtheworst @calamazoowho 😔 @stefferonipizza there was a moment a while ago but i agree. it should never stop @madi_bue 🙏🏻🤲🏻 @madi_bue were u disappointed or relieved @CdyRnkn this is all i ask @CdyRnkn i would pay any amount for this @katewhiteshark not on ur fuckin LIFE @turtlesruleall 9.76🎖official limited edition fruity cereal kitkat review wicked big roads split apaht and fuckin sorry I could not travel both
Retweeted by old tom @GruntDiddles the chin KILLS @GruntDiddles literally. i say “i’ve got too much fuckin shit on me” probably 5 times a day @GruntDiddles PURPLE AND BLACK @KelgoreTrout SO good
Retweeted by old tom @rachannabanana 🥺it’s always “wyd” and never “isahminw” Shaquille a Mockingbird
Retweeted by old tom @jalapenos_69 omfgi’m sure it’s been said but ben and jen are the ultimate example of the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen dating just some guythey dont solve murders on earth
Retweeted by old tomguy at bar: [up in my face] what the hell did you just say to me me: i said “stuart little doesn’t drive a toy ca…
Retweeted by old tom“simone biles should really—“ no one cares what u think gary isn’t this ur weekend with the kids @fanhouseapp ok gimme