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Comedy writer (HIGNFY, Mock The Week, Now Show, News Quiz), TV AP/ script editor (Hypothetical), escape room for a ghost 💕 co-creator @Seance_Cast 💕 she/her

992 Following   4,601 Followers   3,943 Tweets

Joined Twitter 2/22/14

@AmyCMason HAHAHAWhy's everyone acting like Christmas being cancelled is a bad thing when 99% of the holiday is listening to people…
Retweeted by Zoë Tomalin @Natt british tv really is something special huh @_jessbray are you blue because they bluescreened you out or... just because you're a blue woman taco @jackbern23 JACK NO @hansmollman stop, you're making a twenty-something old lady blush ☺️ @CharlieDinkin Charlie when you pay me to smile, I will smilepeople often ask me how to get into writing but they never like the answer you point at every dog which is the same breed as your dead dog and say “look, it’s [name of dead dog]” or are you normalMONA LISA: GUY ON TWITTER: Are your hands always crossed over like that 😂 how on earth do u hold a knife and fork…
Retweeted by Zoë TomalinGenuinely haven't seen my mum for a year because she lives on an island 400 miles away and there's a pandemic. What… of today I haven't seen my mum for a year. She looks up my twitter most days so mum, if you're reading this... p… @concannon read this to the tune of twelve days of christmasGot up early to do some writing and it’s going great! So far I have watched a 40 minute long video where a woman ma… @rufusgwright @Home_Halfway Thank you ☺️
@MissAHaddow seriously though, there is no nicer tumbler available on the marketimagine drinking from a glass that wasn't formerly a Nutella jar thoughIf my doctor ever tells me I've got 3 months to live, I'm going to break it to my family with a tweet like this.
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If you grew up on a diet of The Unexplained, Arthur C. Clarke, scaring yourself with Usborne books and the like, yo…
Retweeted by Zoë TomalinPfizer vaccine: effective, protective and safe Modena vaccine: effective, protective and safe Oxford vaccine: effec…
Retweeted by Zoë Tomalin @jenivescomedian love thisNEW VIDEO - Trans Women In Toilets? 🤔 note: this is the shorter, twitter version. Full 5 minute Ridley Scott Direct…
Retweeted by Zoë TomalinZooming from the kitchen table // zooming from bed
@SaimaFerdows it's as big as my face saima! it doesn't fit in the ginger space in our cupboard!Ok to be fair this is an unreasonable piece of ginger refuse to watch Muppet Christmas Carol. I do not see myself or my culture represented. Why is the cast mostly Mup…
Retweeted by Zoë TomalinWhat is this, a school for traumatised geniuses? ✏️🪓
Retweeted by Zoë TomalinWhat if an owl smelled of electrical burning? - inventor of the FurbyMy dentist can do it all, from a simple cleaning to identifying my charred remains
Retweeted by Zoë Tomalin @sickandworthit 😭my aim is to have 0 friends by the end of 2020forget memory foam mattresses, the only way to prevent back pain is to sleep bagged and boarded like a comic
Retweeted by Zoë TomalinWhat's that??? It's your Episode 5 starter kit 👇 Careful not to kiss that crow 😘
Retweeted by Zoë TomalinReally enjoying The Queen's Gambit xx at the britishness of people complaining to sainsbury's that 1kg of ginger is not a "sensible" or "reasonabl… @TweesaintDoglas 🙌🙌SAD lamps don’t work, I’ve been eating one a day with breakfast and if anything I feel worse
@rosejohnno Turns out my tweet was basically only relevant to episode 1. I will come back to discuss when I’ve done… me the mortality rates for elves forced to do long shifts in busy warehouses without social distancing is not a jokeWatching the queens gambit is very hard for me because I too used to struggle with an addiction to asking men to teach me chessBookmark dis, baby! 😍🙌💓😎
Retweeted by Zoë Tomalin @SamPicone leave @JackJMHarris aloneIt's time for a BRAND NEW episode of SeanceCast! Starring @ZoeTomalin, @CharlieDinkin, @jenivescomedian, @kfRedhot
Retweeted by Zoë Tomalin @BenSutton91 @SeanceCast ok ok I'll check it out @CharlieDinkin very mean actually @clairekenya11 @CharlieDinkin @Seance_Cast welcome! you will never leaveNot content with bullying me on the show, Charlie's now brought it into the promo?? Not cool @caravaninwales I have really bad emetophobia so I was worried about doing a home test but it was totally fine - th…
@ZackGearyy it does!Lockdown 1: I don't need to start a podcast. The idea of productivity during a crisis is a toxic capitalist myth. I… do I wear dungarees? because when I exit a room I like to get caught on the doorknob and give myself whiplash @bryony_jameson I only just noticed because our bathroom is so cold. Dungarees OWN meI know I’m a little dungaree bitch because now even when I am wearing trousers I automatically take off my cardigan to pee
relief-tweet (noun) - when someone you were convinced secretly hated you RTs one of your jokes after following you for a year @scarierbhandles love youpeople keep comparing Dominic Cummings to a vampire but that's inaccurate because a vampire has to be invited into…
Listen here: you haven't listened to episode 4 of SeanceCast, you're missing out on sympathy knob pains. I don't know how muc… @Scriblit Loooove the slide from “I was wondering if you could help” to “let me emotionally unload all my professio… @ThePoke @SamWhyte @joeheenan @haveigotnews @TobyonTV @RogerQuimbly @BorisJohnson_MP Ta v muchThe pandemic has made us all more aware of our own mortality. Because we are binge-watching actors being ravaged by… @bea_ker Hahahaha
This show is hilarious give it 30 minutes of your life right now oh my god @macarthurboyd absolutely brutalThe wonderful @reesehopes & @TolulaDee are launching this paid training programme (UK) for new POC script editors;…
Retweeted by Zoë Tomalindo you put the milk in your tea first or the covid first 4 episodes of @Seance_Cast are now available here! Each week we gather content v… is so so funny I hate her @yon_fool The injustice is just as intense!
A podcast within a podcast? The horror!!! Sponsored by
Retweeted by Zoë Tomalin @MissAHaddow just once I don't want the A-Z Great Britain Road Atlas invited to Christmas lunchWhy's everyone acting like Christmas being cancelled is a bad thing when 99% of the holiday is listening to people… Ritual was on Channel 4 last night if you want to go back in time and watch it then. OR you can just go to the…
Retweeted by Zoë Tomalin @SUmrigar @pinataplay @julings @SamSapin thank u!!A few weeks ago the good people of @pinataplay filmed me being burnt to a crisp in the park and didn’t intervene on…
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2020 @jlukeroberts will do, thanks! @jlukeroberts certainly - and making at least 9999 more twitter accounts to share it with. Basically we need a troll farm, hope that's ok @jlukeroberts thank u very much! please download it 10000 more times @CharlieJamison 🙋‍♀️foucault on twitter aiming to go viral: "what is not prison but feels like prison to you"
Retweeted by Zoë Tomalin @jlukeroberts fuck you're rightwhat is not a pipe but feels like a pipe to youurghhh my boyfriend won't stop crying's only episode 4 and SeanceCast has sold out and got a sponsor @AndyRileyish the pool cue does have the benefit that it can quickly be turned into a weapon depending on the man in questionCraving human contact so much I would tolerate a man at a party “teaching” me guitar by moving my hand up and down the fretboard
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poor guy, having to carry out the 3 contracts he didn't have time to give to his mates you’re an ancient forest witch but you have kids
Retweeted by Zoë TomalinWe are back for Lockdown 2 sharing what online projects comedians are getting up to. Find out what @ZoeTomalin
Retweeted by Zoë Tomalin2. I filmed some of my standup in the park with @pinataplay and a bunch of geese on the hottest day of the year. I…! I've got two new things out this week and like a butcher selling sausages online, I'd simply love you to clic…👏👏👏 for these @ZoeTomalin frames by @SamSapin
Retweeted by Zoë TomalinJust bought tix for this stunning online lineup hosted by bonkers genius Siân Docksey 🤩 @josierones brilliant brilliant brilliant“I went to university, I got a job and with my cerebral palsy have been a successful and independent human being. I…
Retweeted by Zoë TomalinThe highest praise a girl can get 😎