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Comedy writer (HIGNFY, Mock The Week, Now Show, News Quiz), TV AP/ script editor (Hypothetical), escape room for a ghost 💕 co-creator @Seance_Cast 💕 she/her

992 Following   4,601 Followers   3,943 Tweets

Joined Twitter 2/22/14


@AmyCMason HAHAHAWhy's everyone acting like Christmas being cancelled is a bad thing when 99% of the holiday is listening to people… https://t.co/jpPAy3epYG
Retweeted by Zoë Tomalin @Natt british tv really is something special huh @_jessbray are you blue because they bluescreened you out or... just because you're a blue woman taco @jackbern23 JACK NO @hansmollman stop, you're making a twenty-something old lady blush ☺️ @CharlieDinkin Charlie when you pay me to smile, I will smilepeople often ask me how to get into writing but they never like the answer https://t.co/34ccKzi9MiDo you point at every dog which is the same breed as your dead dog and say “look, it’s [name of dead dog]” or are you normalMONA LISA: GUY ON TWITTER: Are your hands always crossed over like that 😂 how on earth do u hold a knife and fork… https://t.co/jMLS6qlyqf
Retweeted by Zoë TomalinGenuinely haven't seen my mum for a year because she lives on an island 400 miles away and there's a pandemic. What… https://t.co/IdSMrwE4f2as of today I haven't seen my mum for a year. She looks up my twitter most days so mum, if you're reading this... p… https://t.co/NOvH4Wr2C3 @concannon read this to the tune of twelve days of christmasGot up early to do some writing and it’s going great! So far I have watched a 40 minute long video where a woman ma… https://t.co/BIn1tcfkXl @rufusgwright @Home_Halfway Thank you ☺️
11/25
2020
@MissAHaddow seriously though, there is no nicer tumbler available on the marketimagine drinking from a glass that wasn't formerly a Nutella jar thoughIf my doctor ever tells me I've got 3 months to live, I'm going to break it to my family with a tweet like this. https://t.co/o9NZ0KVCzQ
Retweeted by Zoë Tomalin
11/24
2020
If you grew up on a diet of The Unexplained, Arthur C. Clarke, scaring yourself with Usborne books and the like, yo… https://t.co/Pg3cgGY02X
Retweeted by Zoë TomalinPfizer vaccine: effective, protective and safe Modena vaccine: effective, protective and safe Oxford vaccine: effec… https://t.co/06IluX5Kto
Retweeted by Zoë Tomalin @jenivescomedian love thisNEW VIDEO - Trans Women In Toilets? 🤔 note: this is the shorter, twitter version. Full 5 minute Ridley Scott Direct… https://t.co/bquUJVR3oG
Retweeted by Zoë TomalinZooming from the kitchen table // zooming from bed https://t.co/tk1BPdzrzo
11/23
2020
@SaimaFerdows it's as big as my face saima! it doesn't fit in the ginger space in our cupboard!Ok to be fair this is an unreasonable piece of ginger https://t.co/hCLdprXwP9I refuse to watch Muppet Christmas Carol. I do not see myself or my culture represented. Why is the cast mostly Mup… https://t.co/v2e4XoCa5P
Retweeted by Zoë TomalinWhat is this, a school for traumatised geniuses? ✏️🪓 https://t.co/LueuFBwoXv
Retweeted by Zoë TomalinWhat if an owl smelled of electrical burning? - inventor of the FurbyMy dentist can do it all, from a simple cleaning to identifying my charred remains
Retweeted by Zoë Tomalin @sickandworthit 😭my aim is to have 0 friends by the end of 2020forget memory foam mattresses, the only way to prevent back pain is to sleep bagged and boarded like a comic
11/22
2020
https://t.co/WEhE7o7wUU
Retweeted by Zoë TomalinWhat's that??? It's your Episode 5 starter kit 👇 Careful not to kiss that crow 😘 https://t.co/Cr2FV0wvv3
Retweeted by Zoë TomalinReally enjoying The Queen's Gambit xx https://t.co/kHbmNSXkxBcrying at the britishness of people complaining to sainsbury's that 1kg of ginger is not a "sensible" or "reasonabl… https://t.co/AHeT5Cig2t @TweesaintDoglas 🙌🙌SAD lamps don’t work, I’ve been eating one a day with breakfast and if anything I feel worse
11/21
2020
@rosejohnno Turns out my tweet was basically only relevant to episode 1. I will come back to discuss when I’ve done… https://t.co/yY66H68w6kShow me the mortality rates for elves forced to do long shifts in busy warehouses without social distancing https://t.co/etBHYRpvtOThis is not a jokeWatching the queens gambit is very hard for me because I too used to struggle with an addiction to asking men to teach me chessBookmark dis, baby! 😍🙌💓😎 https://t.co/VS37jKNPZ0
Retweeted by Zoë Tomalin @SamPicone leave @JackJMHarris aloneIt's time for a BRAND NEW episode of SeanceCast! Starring @ZoeTomalin, @CharlieDinkin, @jenivescomedian, @kfRedhothttps://t.co/KpMk02WPMT
Retweeted by Zoë Tomalin @BenSutton91 @SeanceCast ok ok I'll check it out @CharlieDinkin very mean actually @clairekenya11 @CharlieDinkin @Seance_Cast welcome! you will never leaveNot content with bullying me on the show, Charlie's now brought it into the promo?? Not cool https://t.co/n9OodF6HF5 @caravaninwales I have really bad emetophobia so I was worried about doing a home test but it was totally fine - th… https://t.co/F7GdG4WOQT
11/20
2020
@ZackGearyy it does!Lockdown 1: I don't need to start a podcast. The idea of productivity during a crisis is a toxic capitalist myth. I… https://t.co/VdSkt0T4zIWhy do I wear dungarees? because when I exit a room I like to get caught on the doorknob and give myself whiplash @bryony_jameson I only just noticed because our bathroom is so cold. Dungarees OWN meI know I’m a little dungaree bitch because now even when I am wearing trousers I automatically take off my cardigan to pee
11/19
2020
relief-tweet (noun) - when someone you were convinced secretly hated you RTs one of your jokes after following you for a year @scarierbhandles love youpeople keep comparing Dominic Cummings to a vampire but that's inaccurate because a vampire has to be invited into… https://t.co/4FSwj02dON
11/18
2020
Listen here: https://t.co/E4sTKPrkwPIf you haven't listened to episode 4 of SeanceCast, you're missing out on sympathy knob pains. I don't know how muc… https://t.co/stbzWFJMVj @Scriblit Loooove the slide from “I was wondering if you could help” to “let me emotionally unload all my professio… https://t.co/vEihFm7XoX @ThePoke @SamWhyte @joeheenan @haveigotnews @TobyonTV @RogerQuimbly @BorisJohnson_MP Ta v muchThe pandemic has made us all more aware of our own mortality. Because we are binge-watching actors being ravaged by… https://t.co/sfuDO0wULP @bea_ker Hahahaha
11/17
2020
This show is hilarious give it 30 minutes of your life right now oh my god https://t.co/eFReXf9dyp @macarthurboyd absolutely brutalThe wonderful @reesehopes & @TolulaDee are launching this paid training programme (UK) for new POC script editors;… https://t.co/xsWsNHVe2f
Retweeted by Zoë Tomalindo you put the milk in your tea first or the covid https://t.co/CAjollg1r7The first 4 episodes of @Seance_Cast are now available here! https://t.co/kPQEt7TYAH. Each week we gather content v… https://t.co/1WCPMsVXIhJen is so so funny I hate her https://t.co/1BlBPd9Vki @yon_fool The injustice is just as intense!
11/16
2020
A podcast within a podcast? The horror!!! Sponsored by https://t.co/7MISes0hlL https://t.co/J2z6WeqA4g
Retweeted by Zoë Tomalin @MissAHaddow just once I don't want the A-Z Great Britain Road Atlas invited to Christmas lunchWhy's everyone acting like Christmas being cancelled is a bad thing when 99% of the holiday is listening to people… https://t.co/jpPAy3epYGThe Ritual was on Channel 4 last night if you want to go back in time and watch it then. OR you can just go to the… https://t.co/hnsHu5gHJu
Retweeted by Zoë Tomalin @SUmrigar @pinataplay @julings @SamSapin thank u!!A few weeks ago the good people of @pinataplay filmed me being burnt to a crisp in the park and didn’t intervene on… https://t.co/Q2FwLZbyoC
Retweeted by Zoë Tomalin
11/15
2020
https://t.co/6eWNG06Sm2 @jlukeroberts will do, thanks! @jlukeroberts certainly - and making at least 9999 more twitter accounts to share it with. Basically we need a troll farm, hope that's ok @jlukeroberts thank u very much! please download it 10000 more times @CharlieJamison 🙋‍♀️foucault on twitter aiming to go viral: "what is not prison but feels like prison to you"
Retweeted by Zoë Tomalin @jlukeroberts fuck you're rightwhat is not a pipe but feels like a pipe to youurghhh my boyfriend won't stop crying https://t.co/bYvyJAqJREIt's only episode 4 and SeanceCast has sold out and got a sponsor https://t.co/gvQx7RG1xR @AndyRileyish the pool cue does have the benefit that it can quickly be turned into a weapon depending on the man in questionCraving human contact so much I would tolerate a man at a party “teaching” me guitar by moving my hand up and down the fretboardhttps://t.co/Y7vl74q4I7 https://t.co/yCwZXO3MPo
Retweeted by Zoë Tomalin
11/14
2020
poor guy, having to carry out the 3 contracts he didn't have time to give to his mates https://t.co/MZJ03KGDGsWhen you’re an ancient forest witch but you have kids https://t.co/kkHk4CsgKs
Retweeted by Zoë TomalinWe are back for Lockdown 2 sharing what online projects comedians are getting up to. Find out what @ZoeTomalinhttps://t.co/HVBM10tXCL
Retweeted by Zoë Tomalin2. I filmed some of my standup in the park with @pinataplay and a bunch of geese on the hottest day of the year. I… https://t.co/gQV6q1jANpHeya! I've got two new things out this week and like a butcher selling sausages online, I'd simply love you to clic… https://t.co/ygyITbU45c👏👏👏 for these @ZoeTomalin frames by @SamSapin https://t.co/5THi8KzjJs
Retweeted by Zoë TomalinJust bought tix for this stunning online lineup hosted by bonkers genius Siân Docksey 🤩 https://t.co/DQRHo1vOrl @josierones brilliant brilliant brilliant“I went to university, I got a job and with my cerebral palsy have been a successful and independent human being. I… https://t.co/0mhTuTv2b5
Retweeted by Zoë TomalinThe highest praise a girl can get 😎 https://t.co/fZ958Uyf7b
11/13
2020

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